Just a Silly Wish
by JMoonrise
Summary: It was just a silly wish or so she thought. Now she's not sure what to think because this sort of thing only happens in movies. Right?
1. (There's No Place Like) Home for the

Green eyes watched as the snow fell to the ground. It was rather picturesque like a scene out of a novel. The snow was still powdery, and had not yet hardened as it tended to do. Quinn remembered the days when she would beg her parents to allow her to play outside in it. She spent hours in the snow, marveling at how magical it was. For it truly was a unique substance.

Now, she watched from the basement window of her baby's father's house, as the snow fell softly to the ground. A few months previous this would be the last place Quinn would imagine herself for the holidays. 2009 marked the first year she wouldn't be celebrating Christmas in her fifteen years of life.

Her baby's father happened to be Jewish, and his family did not associate at all with the Christian holiday. They were more of traditional Jews. They ate Kosher, practiced their holidays, and went to Temple every Saturday.

The only thing she was allowed to do was go to church, not that she was up to it. People in the congregation stared at her stomach. Their eyes often lingered a little too long. Her father pretended she did not exist, while her mother sent her sympathetic glances throughout morning services. Less people usually attended, which was why she sometimes forced herself to go early.

Everything went from sort of bad to complete purgatory when Rachel ousted her secret to Finn. She was thankful to the girl for telling the truth when she was unable, it still sucked to be living with the Puckermans. Puck was still a manwhore, and his mother hated her. She called her a shiksa. It was only after she asked Rachel, the only other Jew she somewhat associated with what it meant, that she felt truly offended.

His mother made it clear that she despised the idea of her carrying Puck's child. His sister Dahlia annoyed her to no end, always asking questions about the baby. She was fascinated by Quinn's protruding stomach. She hoped the baby would like her, and she was excited to be an aunt. She didn't care for Quinn much either way.

The home was unwelcoming and the people were awful. She wished she could go home. _What home?_ She scoffed. Her father made it perfectly clear she wasn't welcome back, and her mother stood by silently and said nothing. At fifteen, she had no one. Puck was only doing it out of some sick fantasy in his head of them becoming a family.

She scowled at the very idea of ever accepting his hand in marriage. He disgusted her in the worst way possible. After discovering she was pregnant, she had a lot of time to think. The more she thought, the angrier she became. Puck waited until she was drunk on wine coolers and took advantage of her vulnerability. He knew she wanted to wait until marriage, yet he still took her virginity. He waited for an opportunity to take something from Finn. She was no better than a consolation prize to him.

Technically, she had consented, and to most, it was morning after regrets. But she remembered how she wanted to stop him during the act. She didn't want to make the mistake of him believing that she would leave her boyfriend for him.

She remembered the bitter sting of tears as they trailed down her cheeks, and how when he left afterwards, she curled up in a ball and cried. Not only was she drunk, she lost her virginity to somebody she didn't even care about.

Quinn desperately pretended as if the whole thing never happened until her period never came. Buying a pregnancy test was humiliating on so many levels, but it was the little plus sign that caused her entire world to come crashing down. Once news of her pregnancy spread throughout the school, kids turned on her instantly.

The former cheerleader wanted the baby to be born so she could get rid of her mistake. She cared for the baby in a way, but she wanted her life back. She wanted to be head cheerleader again. She wanted her parents to love her again.

Puck managed to keep his reputation, and in a way the pregnancy boosted it. All of the jocks slapped him on the back for getting into the Ice Queen's pleated skirt.

Yes, the snow reminded Quinn Fabray of everything she had lost.

Heaving herself up, she slowly ascended the stairs. It was the last day of school before break, and the pregnant teen was glad. She would be able to sleep, and she wouldn't see the pity and mirth in people's eyes as she walked by them in the halls. Also, she wouldn't receive any slushy baths for two weeks.

 _~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~_

Glee club was the highlight of her day. Everywhere else she was invisible, not that it was much better with the Gleeks. They heaped praise upon Rachel and Finn for saving the day the other week during sectionals.

While it was technically Rachel's fault to some degree, most of it was Sue's. It made Quinn seethe with anger to watch everyone compliment Finn after he nearly ruined sectionals for them. As for Rachel, she wasn't as upset with her as she outwardly pretended. She was only doing the right thing, if only for the wrong reasons. And everyone could see she felt genuinely guilty about telling Finn.

Quinn watched as she doodled in her notebook. The initials ASF were scribbled over and over again. Quinn was curious about who the mysterious ASF was. As far as she knew, the Jewish girl was still fawning all over Finn.

"Rachel," she murmured with a soft tone. The girl froze and Quinn cursed herself. "Why aren't you joining in the singing with everyone?"

The tiny girl swiveled in her chair to face Quinn. Her eyes were wide and fearful. "You're talking to me?" She pointed to herself.

The blonde frowned. "I don't know anyone else named Rachel." She thought this might be the longest conversation she ever had with the girl.

"Right," she nodded thoughtfully. "I'm Jewish, and while one of my dad's is Christian, I don't celebrate Christmas." As if realizing her notebook was open, she quickly snapped it shut as her cheeks reddened.

"What were you doing?" Quinn thought her nervous behavior was just the teensiest bit strange.

Her eyes darted to the door and then back to Quinn as she considered possibly making a break for it. At least that's what it seemed like to Quinn. "Uh nothing, nothing at all."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Yeah," she muttered sarcastically. "Seems like a whole lot of nothing if you snap your notebook shut. Who did the initials belong to?" She couldn't hide her apparent curiosity. She wasn't sure why the brunette fascinated her so much, but she craved any opportunity that caused close proximity between the two of them.

Rachel's eyes fell to her lap. "It was nothing. Just me messing around is all. I have to go. My dad should be here now. Have a great break Quinn. Again, I'm sorry about telling Finn."

Quinn waved off her apology. She was mostly over it. "It's alright Rachel."

However, it didn't feel that way as the brunette walked away from her. It felt strangely like her heart was being ripped out of her chest. She was never quite sure where her and Rachel stood in the grand scheme of things. There was always a push and pull, and it was confusing not only for her but Rachel too.

Her eyes roamed over the rest of the members of their rag tag club. They were being silly as they sung Christmas carols and exchanged gifts. No one noticed her, or the fact that Rachel had apparently left. It saddened her to think that no one detected that the most liveliest person was gone. She received a taste of what the other girl went through for probably most of her life, and she knew she wouldn't react in such a classy manner.

Sighing, she pushed herself up and decided to leave as well. There wasn't much for her to do, and all of the joy of the other members was making her depressed. All she longed for was her family.

Instead of heading immediately back to Puck's house, she made a detour to the Lima Bean. She wanted a hot chocolate, and Puck's mom bought the really cheap kind that tasted more like water than chocolate. "Hot chocolate for Quinn." The barista called. She smiled kindly and took the warm beverage. As the warm liquid touched her tongue, she moaned in delight. Her pregnancy cravings made her want things she hadn't had since she became a cheerleader.

It was still snowing out. The bitter sting of the cold caused a chill to run up her back, but she didn't mind too much. "Merry Christmas," a corner Santa greeted to people walking down the street. He winked at her when he caught her staring.

She ducked her head and was about to go to her car when she decided to give him some money. He was collecting for the Salvation Army. She placed a five dollar bill in his tin pan. "Thank you and Merry Christmas. Hope all your wishes come true this year." He winked at her again, and she brushed it off.

Back to the Puckerman's she went.

 _~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~_

Quinn sighed as the morning light hit her eyes. It was a bit surprising though as the basement at the Puckerman's rarely ever received light. Then again, she couldn't remember falling asleep either, or how she got back to Puck's house. It was a giant blur in her memory.

The blonde couldn't remember having gaps in her memory before. As she rolled over, she couldn't help but notice that the bed was much softer than the one in the basement. The springs didn't creak at all, it was almost like there weren't any. She frowned because that couldn't be right.

Her pillow was feather soft. It wasn't lumpy and didn't have the damp smell she had grown accustomed to. Where was she? Her thoughts were going all over the place, and she had yet to open her eyes for fear of what would happen. _Maybe someone has kidnapped me._ The thought terrified her, but it was the only thing that made some semblance of sense to the blonde. It wasn't unheard of that someone kidnapped a pregnant woman and stole their baby. She clutched her stomach and frowned when she felt nothing but flatness. _Where is my baby?_

Quinn could hear footsteps in the hallways, but they were light and soft. There was no thumping. A similar pair followed behind.

The door then creaked open, and Quinn pulled the comforter closer as she curled into a ball. Two sets of feet travelled closer to her and she heard whispering.

"You wake her up." One whisper finally spoke.

"No, she's always grouchy." The other murmured in the softest tone.

"But mama said too." Quinn could tell by their voices that they were girls and young ones at that.

"Then you do it Athena. I don't want her to get mad at me. Don't you remember last time?" She sounded terrified at the prospect.

The other girl erupted in tiny giggles. "Mama said she was only being silly, Avery." She enunciated the other girl's name.

There was a huff. "Then why don't you want to wake her up Athena Charlotte?"

The way they were arguing reminded Quinn of siblings. Her and Frannie used to quarrel like that when they were young, but that was before she left and never came back.

"Because!" The other girl whined loudly. "I don't wanna Avery Sophia, besides mama told you to do it."

"Correction, she told us. So go," she felt a figure knock into the bed as if the girl was shoved.

"I'm going to tell mommy." She felt the bed shift as the girl climbed on. "Mommy," she roughly shook Quinn. "Mommy!" She squealed loudly. Quinn refused to respond in the slightest. "Avery, I think she's dead. MAMA!" She screeched at the top of her lungs causing the blonde to wince at the sound. _Geez that kid has some lungs._

Quinn then heard the racing of footsteps on the stairs. The young girls' mother entered the room "Athena, what is it?" Quinn's eyes snapped open at the voice. It couldn't be.

"I think mommy is dead. She didn't move at all when I bounced on top of her or when I called her name." Quinn could picture this kid sticking out her bottom lip.

She heard the shuffling of feet and then a blonde head appeared in her line of sight. "Dufus, her eyes are open. Sometimes you are such a baby."

Quinn's eyes widened at the sight of the other girl. She had wild blond curls, but it was her eyes that were the most striking. They were the exact same shade of hazel as her own.

"Avery, don't call your sister names. It isn't nice. We've warned you about that before." If Quinn wasn't sure before, she was sure now. The voice that was oh so familiar belonged to one Rachel Berry.


	2. Do They Know It's Christmas

**AN- I can't believe how many of you have reviewed, followed, or favorited this story. I love that you guys are interested. It's going to be a bit of a bumpy ride, but it'll be totally worth it in the end. It's a 100% Faberry.**

* * *

Quinn shifted herself into a sitting position as she assessed the other three occupants in the room. There was the blonde girl with the wild curls. Her eyes were the same as Quinn's, and they shared a lot of facial features. This younger girl was far prettier in her opinion, and her eyes were brighter. There wasn't a trace of sadness, maybe a touch of concern directed at Quinn. She was unburdened by the world- the same couldn't be said for herself at that age.

The smallest person was a girl with wavy brown locks that travelled down her back. Her eyes were brown and curious. She was like a mini Rachel, except that her skin was lighter and her nose smaller. She was also dressed in a tutu?

Rachel's eyes narrowed at the sight of the little girl and her eyebrows lifted. Her mouth pinched into a barely concealed scowl. "Athena, why are you wearing your recital tutu?" Her hands moved to her hips in a classic mom move. "I thought I told you last night that it was for the recital."

The little girl sucked in her bottom lip as she shifted from foot to foot. Quinn knew from personal experience that it was the girl's telltale sign that she knew she was in trouble. "Well mama, I know it's not until tonight, but it's pretty. I like wearing it." It was really pretty in Quinn's opinion. It was champagne colored lace with an eggplant bow tied at the waist in the back. The tulle skirt had a flower design with glitter, which Quinn was positive was the main appeal to the girl.

"Well I need you to go change." Her tone was harsh, but her face was soft. "I know you like it, but it still needs to look nice and pretty at your recital tonight." Athena considered that with a thoughtful tap to her chin. She then grinned and ran out of the room. Rachel shook her head fondly.

Since that was Athena, Quinn assumed the blonde was Avery. Avery assumed a 'don't blame me' position as she held her hands up in defense. "Mama, it isn't my fault. I went to the bathroom before we went to wake up mommy, and then I came back out and there she was. We would've fought if I I had said something to her."

Quinn was amused as the girl took a step back. She had never imagined Rachel to be an intimidating person before, but she had the look of a well practiced mother. "Avery, I get it. I didn't say you were in trouble." The older girl released the breath she was holding. Rachel's gaze moved onto Quinn. Her eyes hardened and her lips thinned considerably. "Hey, breakfast is ready and there's bacon."

Avery mimed throwing up behind her mother's back causing Quinn to chuckle. "Go wash your hands Aves." The girl was a deer in headlights as she tried to figure out how her mother knew. "Eyes in the back of my head sweetheart."

The girl pouted and followed after her sister. Quinn was still sitting on the bed as she tried to wrap her mind around what was going on. The last thing she remembered was heading back to Puck's house.

"What's going on?" She asked, her eyes roaming over Rachel. She was far older than the last time Quinn had seen her. Her hair barely fell past her shoulders. Her face was no longer round with unshed baby fat. The blonde was trying to figure out what was happening.

Rachel frowned as she moved closer to Quinn. "Are you okay Quinn?" She pressed a warm hand to Quinn's forehead. Her eyes were filled with heaviness. Quinn suspected something had happened between the two.

Quinn scrambled to find the right words to say. At this point, she had a sound idea as to what was happening to her. She had seen these type of movies about a million times. She couldn't spout off at the mouth about not being this Quinn and knowing what she was doing here. No one would believe her. "Yeah, I just have a bit of a headache." Rachel caressed her cheek with the backs of her fingers, and Quinn unconsciously leaned into her touch. Her hand was warm, soft, and it was comforting.

"Do you want breakfast? If not I can bring you some aspirin for the headache and you can go back to sleep." Her fingers continued to stroke Quinn's face, not ceasing in their movements.

Quinn relished in the closeness of another human. Never before had she felt so much intimacy from a simple touch. It was the type of closeness she craved. "No it's fine. I'll take some aspirin, but I'm definitely hungry."

Rachel smiled unsurely, but her hands slid from Quinn's face. She stepped back, the closeness too much for her.

"I better go before the girls end up fighting, or worse we only have one child again." She quickly departed from the room without a backwards glance at Quinn.

Quinn was having a hard time comprehending what was going on. She was a wife and mother for starters. There were people dependent upon her. She could hear the quiet murmurs in the hall as Rachel ushered their children down the stairs. She had children. She had living, breathing human beings that relied on her and Rachel to take care of them.

The blonde threw back the comforter and climbed out of the bed. Her heart thrummed in her chest- the door was still open, but the room held more answers than what lay outside. Her gaze swiveled around the room, it was decorated to fit both of their styles, classy yet simple. The vanity was obviously Rachel's. There were playbills in the mirror-a silver hairbrush and the make-up was meticulously organized. Quinn was quite messy, never really finding the need to be organized.

The dresser was divided carefully. Every other drawer was hers. It was a nice system. All of the furniture was dark wood, the way she liked. Above the bed was a family photo that seemed to be a few years old. The picture was of a real family-nothing like the one she grew up with. Athena couldn't have been more than two or three. Avery was much smaller as well, her gaze adoring as she looked upon her sister. Her cheeks were fuller and her curls were shorter. Her eyes moved to herself and Rachel, as they stared in utter amazement at their children. The looks were filled with so much love. It was amazing to feel as much as she did from looking at a single picture.

Quinn had only seen photos like these in her friends' homes, never her own. The thought produced a bitter taste on her tongue. The picture on the wall was what a real family looked like. They weren't dressed in expensive clothes, no fake smiles, their eyes were far more expressive than their faces. They were a real family, the one she wished for as a child.

There were actually pictures all over the room. It was like a shrine to their family and life together. The sight warmed her insides. The picture that put a halt in her browsing was clearly a picture of Rachel and Quinn on their wedding day. Neither could've been older than twenty, and between them was a young Avery.

Her hands moved to her flat stomach as her brain connected the dots. She could never name her unborn child, it would've been all the more difficult to give her up if she had. Yet, Quinn could see it in her mind's eye. The name seemed to fit the girl.

Her mind drifted back to the initials of ASF on lined paper. She couldn't remember where she had seen it, but she filed it away for later. It was obviously important in naming her daughter.

Both women held the toddler between them as they posed for the picture. What truly struck a chord with her was that both Quinn and Avery weren't looking at the camera, they were staring in awe at Rachel. It was as if she was the sun, they were revolving around. It was odd for her to recognize such expressive emotions on her face. Most of the time she wore a mask, a learned trait from her parents. She was taught never to show people what she was feeling.

Laughter caused her head to snap in the direction of the door. Realization dawned on her. More than ten minutes had surely passed since Rachel and the girls went downstairs for breakfast. She decided her exploring was complete for the moment.

As she exited the bedroom, her bedroom, she was in a hallway with pictures lining the walls on both sides. There were baby pictures, pictures at Disney World, the beach, with grandparents- her steps halted as her eyes lingered on the photo of her mother and her children. As far as she knew, her mother still believed that homosexuality was a sin. Where was her father then? Did he still believe that as well? What year was it anyways?

It was weird to see her mother smiling with her grandchildren. All three of them were covered in flour. It was a sight she had never seen before as her mother was meticulously put together. Her make-up and hair were flawless, her clothes ironed, her fake smile in place. Yet, in the picture she looked as if there was nowhere else she would rather be.

There were more pictures of her and Rachel as a couple. One particular picture stopped her in her tracks. It was obviously the day Avery was born. The Quinn in the picture didn't look any different from how she appeared before this whole mess. Rachel smiled down at the baby. She was in a gold and black dress, if Quinn had to guess, it was a performance costume. Her due date was right around Regionals. There was love and adoration in both of their eyes. They looked like a family.

 _~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~_

She followed the trail of laughter into the kitchen. Her family was gathered around the island. Both girls were covered in sticky syrup, Athena admittedly worse than her sister. Avery mocked her sister as she mimicked every word and sound out of the little girl's mouth. "Slurp," she jeered, her tongue poking out of her mouth.

Rachel rolled her eyes good naturedly. "Avery, be nice to her. She's only four." She chided in that calm motherly tone.

"So?" Avery replied back petulantly. "I didn't do that when I was four."

Rachel cocked an eyebrow as she stared down her daughter. Avery for her part was smart enough to avert her eyes. "Yes, I remember an incident where you spilled your bowl of cereal all over the floor. We literally only moved in a week before, and there was suddenly a chip in our wooden floors."

Quinn had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing. She saw a lot of herself in Avery, but hoped the girl felt much differently than she had. She hoped she talked to her moms instead of doing whatever she wanted, not thinking about consequences.

It was then that she noticed the house was decorated festively. There were holiday bowls around the kitchen, mistletoe hung in the doorway, she could see the tree in the living room. It explained lights on the railing of the stairs.

Quinn hopped onto a stool. Rachel set a plate in front of her. "Mama, I don't know why you make her bacon when it goes against our religion."

"Well mommy isn't Jewish, she doesn't have to eat kosher. She can eat whatever she wants basically. Besides," she poked Avery's nose, "It makes her happy." Avery rolled her eyes.

Avery frowned thoughtfully at her mother. "I thought people don't do nice things for other people when they're mad at them." Rachel shushed her daughter with a single glare.

"Thanks Rachel," she told the brunette, a small smile on her lips. Puck's mom wouldn't even dare to attempt purchasing pork, let alone cooking. Quinn knew that Rachel's religion was important to her. However, she was beginning to think she was missing something.

Rachel clapped her hands together, rather loudly- all of the occupants jumped at the sound. "Okay girls, I need you guys to go get ready. Uncle Kurt is coming by to take you guys out." Both girls cheered loudly as they hopped off the stools and ran upstairs.

Quinn watched as her- her wife? As Rachel sighed in annoyance. "I've repeatedly told them not to jump down or run in the house. We don't need another emergency room visit." Her eyes widened in alarm, emergency room visits were rather serious. Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "Oh well, maybe that'll teach them. Avery learned quickly not to climb trees anymore after she broke her arm." The brunette shook her head. "I better go make sure they are actually getting ready." She pecked Quinn on the cheek before freezing and then hurriedly leaving the room.

Just who was Rachel Berry? She assumed that she knew exactly who she was, but did she? Also what could she have done to anger the brunette?

She finished up her breakfast and rinsed the plate off in the sink. As she glanced around the kitchen, she could tell some years had certainly passed since 2009. For instance, all of the appliances looked far more complicated than what she was used to. Quinn doubted if she would be able use them.

It was then that for the first time since she woke up, Quinn realized she had no idea where she was. She knew that Rachel would never live in Ohio. Neither would she for that matter, so did that mean they lived in New York? What was this strange life she was living? How did she and Rachel get together? When did they? Where was Puck? The biggest question of all was why was this happening? Could it be some dream? Was she passed out somewhere on the side of the road after a car accident?

"Quinn?" Rachel called out as if unsure of how to address her.

She slowly turned with her hands resting on the sink, her insides jittery. "Yea?" Her voice was barely above a whisper. She could barely control her voice.

"Did you need anything from the store? I'm going after Kurt picks up the girls." Rachel barely glanced up from whatever it was on her wrist.

"Uh n-no," she stumbled a bit over her words, caught off guard by Rachel's question.

Her wife glanced up at her and shot her a smile before leaving the room. Before today, Quinn would've never considered the idea of having romantic feelings toward Rachel, yet here she found herself with butterflies in her stomach at just the mention of Rachel's name.

This day was turning into something she would've never expected in a million years because the possibility seemed unimaginable to her, but she also needed to figure out what was wrong with the woman.

* * *

 **AN- What did future/dream Quinn do that has Rachel mad? How cute is Athena? Avery is a little pain in the ass, isn't she?**


	3. Blue Christmas

**AN- Wow, I'm glad you guys like the story. This chapter gets a little more into why Rachel is mad at Quinn. Like in the movies though, there's always a reason these things happen.**

* * *

"Kurt is here." A disembodied voice announced. Quinn searched the room, trying to find the source but to no avail. It must be the doorbell she assumed.

Seeing as no one was going to answer it, Quinn moved from her position against the counter to answer the door. She pulled it open to the sight of Kurt. He was definitely older, his chest broader, noticeable with his coat on. His hair was styled differently, but he was still Kurt. His fashion sense was impeccable.

"Quinn," he greeted her coolly. She supposed the thinly veiled anger at her had something to do with why Rachel was mad at her. "Are the girls ready?" He glanced down at some contraption on his wrist.

If she had to take a guess, it was what Rachel was looking at on her wrist earlier. "Rachel went to check on their progress. Come in," she waved him inside. "How are you?" She thought it would the polite thing to do.

"I would be better if my best friend wasn't upset." It was an obvious dig at her.

She frowned. _What could she have done?_ "Yes, well I have to get dressed. I'm sure they'll be down soon enough." Her face was a mask as she concealed her hurt feelings. While her and Kurt were obviously not friends in the past, he had never spoken to her like that, not even when she convinced him to give Rachel a makeover. What made her feel worse was that she hadn't done what they were angry at her for.

Quinn paused outside of Avery's room. The only reason she knew it was the girl's room was because of the lilac initials on the door. She knew it was wrong to eavesdrop on a private conversation, but she wanted to know what was going on.

"Mama, I don't get it though. Why are you being nice to her? Last night you guys were yelling. I know it has something to do with that guy that showed up at the party." Avery was angry. It was an emotion Quinn was all too familiar with.

She heard someone sigh, probably Rachel. "Baby, it's just grown-up business. Mommy did something without telling me about it. We are in a disagreement."

"But you sounded really sad. I don't want to be taken away from you." The girl cried, her voice cracking.

She heard shuffling. "Sweetheart, no one is going to take you away. I promise."

"But I heard you guys fighting."

"Avery, it was an adult conversation. You're only eleven. I know you don't understand what's happening, but that's not for you to worry about. It's my job as your parent to make sure you stay a kid. This is something mommy and I have to work out." Rachel tried to reassure their daughter as best she could.

From what Quinn could infer something went down at a party they recently hosted, something that was entirely her fault.

Tiny sniffles could be heard through the door. "I've never heard you guys fight before. Normally you're all kissy and stuff." Quinn imagined the girl scrunching up her nose. "Athena didn't hear anything though. She was asleep. I checked. I didn't want her to wake up."

"I'm sorry you had to hear it. I promise there won't be anymore yelling while you and your sister are here. Did it scare you?" Quinn thickly swallowed as it was hitting her that Rachel was a mother. She wasn't someone thrust into this like Quinn. In her mind, she was fifteen years old. What did she know about being a parent?

"No, I was just worried." Her voice was small.

"Don't be, come on your Uncle Kurt should be here." Quinn scampered to her bedroom as soon as she heard footsteps on the side of the door. She didn't want them to know.

 _~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~_

She was home alone. Rachel went out to do shopping, and Kurt and the girls had gone off somewhere for a day together.

It was the perfect time to explore the house. It might also help her figure what exactly she did to piss of her wife. The bedroom she knew didn't hold any answers beyond the fact they were typically a very happy family. Also that her and Rachel seemed to cohabit the same space without any difficulties. Her mind was having a hard time wrapping itself around the whole situation. While the idea of being married to Rachel wasn't unappealing, it still baffled her as to how it could happen.

There were five bedrooms upstairs. Two of them were guestrooms so Quinn decided to venture downstairs instead. Surely they had an office of some sort. The house was bigger than she first thought. It was an open floor space so the kitchen and living room was just one giant room. All of the kitchen appliances were stainless steel. There were also lots of windows and doors.

It was then that realized their house was surrounded by trees. Just where the hell were they living? Seeing all the property around the house made her realize she probably didn't want to know how much the house cost. It made her dizzy just thinking about it. There was a pool and pool house in their backyard. It couldn't have been cheap.

She finally found the office. It was obvious it was a shared office between herself and Rachel. One wall was a bookcase, with books and little trinkets lining each shelf. There were more pictures in the room, but the one that drew her attention the most was her holding… was that an Oscar? She glanced around the room until she saw the glass case with several different awards. She stared reverently at the award.

She read the label. It was for Best Director. Quinn knew that in her time, women hardly if ever were recognized for their work behind the scenes especially female directors. It was a difficult profession to get into. She knew that after high school, she really wouldn't want to be in the spotlight. It wasn't her thing. She preferred the anonymity associated with people behind the lens. She preferred storytelling versus being the one to act it out.

She glanced between the two desks, and it was easy to tell which one was hers. Her was slightly messy, but just messy enough where she could still find her things. She took a hesitant seat at her desk.

There was a lot of paperwork, and she suspected it was stuff about upcoming projects. There was a photograph of her family from Halloween. Athena was dressed as a ballerina, while Avery was a vampire. Her make-up was impeccable and kind of scary. Quinn definitely didn't trust that look on the girl's face. Something told her, she probably scared the shit out of her sister.

Quinn glanced at the computer. It definitely didn't look like anything she used in her time. The whole computer was clear until she accidently bumped the mouse pad and the screen popped up. It was password protected, which was definitely a problem. Quinn had no idea what sorts of phrases or dates she would use in the future. She tried everything, and then asked for the hint.

 _The greatest day of your life._ What the hell did that mean? It wasn't like she was this Quinn. As she thought about it, this Quinn seemed family oriented. Even though her wife was pissed at her for some reason, her family was still important. So what day did they become a family? Well if she had a phone or calendar, she would be able to check for her wedding anniversary. It was then she realized she had a wrist contraption on her as well. Maybe it was their version of a phone.

"How may I assist you Quinn?" A feminine voice asked after Quinn tinkered for a bit.

Quinn bit back a chuckle. "What is the date of my wedding anniversary?"

"Your wedding anniversary is August twenty-ninth, two-thousand and fourteen." So that would make them nineteen and twenty when they got married. It was still quite young by most people's standards. Heck there were more than likely people at their wedding that doubted they would have last as long as they have especially with children involved.

She typed in the date and hit enter. Immediately she was logged in. Windows popped up, clearly she was doing something. Her email was one of them. She decided to snoop because people's emails usually held a lot of answers as to their recent activities.

There were several between herself and someone called NP94 . She decided to read them since she seemed to exchange quite a few with this person.

 _To: NP94_

 _From: QandRFabray_

 _Subject: I can't_

 _Look I get it, but I can't have my wife pissed at me. You haven't been involved ever. I get you want a place, but there's just no room._

 _-Quinn_

 _To: QandRFabray_

 _From: NP94_

 _Subject: Are you serious with that name?_

 _Q why are you letting her interfere in this. It isn't even her decision to make. She doesn't have anything to do with this. This is about us. She did nothing. I wasn't there because you wouldn't let me. I want to now though. Come on. You pushed me out, and let her take my place._

 _-NP_

 _To: NP94_

 _From: QandRFabray_

 _Subject: No promises_

 _I can't promise you anything. I can invite you to the holiday party, and you can see her. There will be other people you know there. Under no circumstances though are you allowed to talk to her or do anything with her. She doesn't know. She doesn't want too either. I've asked. I'm sorry, but you waited too late._

 _-Quinn_

Quinn surmised from the emails just who it was her counterpart was talking to. Why would she want him around anyways? No wonder Rachel was pissed. It was definitely something that should've been discussed between them since it affected their family. It made her question what other secrets she could possibly be keeping. It was probably another reason why Rachel was angry.

 _To: QandRFabray_

 _From: Noah Puckerman_

 _Subject: That's crap_

 _She's my daughter. That's my blood flowing through her veins. Rachel has nothing to do with this. This is all your fault. I'm sure you guys told her I was some deadbeat or whatever. I'm not my father. I'm going to take you to court because you can't do this. I've seen her, and that's just not enough for me. I hate hearing her call Rachel her mother. She's not. We are her parents. I don't care about your fancy lawyers, this is bullshit. You cannot legally keep me from her. I am her father. I have rights._

 _-Noah_

 _To: Noah Puckerman_

 _From: QandRFabray_

 _Subject: You don't have the right_

 _You don't have any rights to her. Or did you forget that? You signed them away. I'd like you to try and take us to court. I was being kind in letting you see her, but Avery is not your daughter. You may have contributed some DNA, but that doesn't make you her dad. It makes you a sperm donor. You don't deserve be a part of her life. Why now? What's so special about her now? You've missed almost twelve years of her life, and all of a sudden you want in. It doesn't work that way. If you want to sue for custody then sue, but I will warn you, that it will cost you more than me. Stay away from MY daughter._

 _-Quinn Fabray_

The email was sent yesterday morning, which explained the fight they had last night. Quinn probably had to confess to Rachel what Puck- Noah, whatever the hell he called himself, was planning to do.

She felt tears spring to her eyes every time he dismissed Rachel as Avery's parent. Obviously from the lack of pictures of him, he wasn't involved in the girl's life. If the emails were anything to by, Avery didn't know anything about him and didn't want to. She seemed like a rather happy child. It was rich of him to want to be a part of his daughter's life now that she was eleven. He already missed a lot of years, and all of a sudden he wanted to be involved.

Quinn knew she made a good decision to not allow him to be a part of Avery's life. One she still hadn't forgiven him for taking advantage of her vulnerable state. He had to get her drunk just so she would have sex with him. Secondly, he had questionable morals considering she was dating his supposed best friend at the time. Then there was the way he treated Rachel. He dated her because of his mother. He used her in the worst way possible.

He also had been in and out of juvie. He was never serious. He didn't even have a steady job, yet somehow he was going to help her raise a kid. He stole money from the bake sale after putting something illegal in the brownies, and only gave it back when she made him. He missed every single appointment for the baby. He let his mother treat her like crap, and once called her a shiksa himself. He had no interest in her once he got what he wanted. He was not responsible enough to be someone's parent if he couldn't step up during the pregnancy.

She wondered at what part did Rachel get involved. They were obviously dating by the time Avery was born. So what happened? There had to be more to this Puck thing. She was still missing the bigger picture.

 _~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~_

It was around two that afternoon that she got a call on her weird wristwatch/phone contraption thingy. She managed to figure out how to answer it. "Hello?" She answered uncertainly.

"Hey dumbass," her eyes narrowed, knowing exactly who it was. "Is the missus still pissed?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes Santana, she is still angry with me." She rubbed her temples tiredly. This day was getting longer by the minute.

"Good, you totally deserve it. I can't believe you would invite that piss ant. What has he done besides knock you up and then never stepping up to take care of Avery? Rachel was there, and at the time she didn't have to be. I don't understand what has gotten into you." Neither did Quinn. From her tone, Quinn gathered that Santana agreed with Rachel. That was definitely a surprise of events. Santana never liked the brunette, but this was the future she reminded herself. People change as they grow older.

She huffed. "Look I don't know what I was thinking." That was the truth at least. "But now I've got that asshat threatening to sue for custody. He's not even going for visitation, he's actually trying to get full custody. He doesn't know her, and she doesn't know him." It angered her to think that he would actually uproot a little girl from her entire life without a care for anyone except himself. It was the very definition of selfish. As a parent, it was their job to put the needs of the child before their own. She was learning this as pregnancy progressed. Her body wasn't her own anymore. She had someone that relied on her. Puck however still hadn't grasped the concept.

"I already told you yesterday, I would help in any way I could. We aren't going to let him get custody let alone see her. Avery has already stated before that she doesn't need a father. And the asshole has demonstrated in the past that he's not suitable to take care of a kid. He won't win." Quinn knew when they were teenagers that Santana wanted to be a lawyer. She loved arguing and winning, what better way to do both than to be a lawyer. "Where is the fam?"

"Out," she said curtly. She didn't feel as if it were any of the Latina's business.

"Ouch," Santana muttered. "I've never known you guys to fight ever. You definitely screwed up, but we are going to fix this." Her best friend promised. She was starting to wonder though how two people as passionate and stubborn as her and Rachel never fought.

"I hope." Quinn didn't want her future self's life to implode because she wanted to give Puck a second chance. How could he seriously do that to someone he claimed to love? The honorable thing would be to gracefully bow out, but when had Puck ever done the honorable thing. "I gotta go. I think the girls are back."

She was right. Both of her daughters stalked back into the house. Athena pouted adorably and glared daggers at her sister. "What's going on?" She shot a look to Kurt, who shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know. They wanted to go home. I thought they were having fun." He was not helpful.

"Uh well thanks for spending time with them. I'll talk to them and get to the bottom of whatever this is." She gestured to the two girls, shedding their winter clothes.

Kurt bid them all goodbye, but not before glaring at Quinn one last time. She rubbed a hand over her face. When the hell did Kurt become Rachel's best friend? In 2009, they still very much hated each other.

Neither girl picked up their coats, gloves, etc. as they attempted to go upstairs. "Hold it," she called. She might not technically be their mother, but she would be remiss if she didn't hold them accountable for their belongings. "Is that where your coats go?" Both girls ducked and shook their heads. "So what are you going to do?"

"Pick them?" Athena asked. Avery shook her head in disgust at her sister. She then shoved her sister as she trailed down three steps. She angrily grabbed her stuff and then stomped up the stairs. "Aren't you going to yell at her? Is she in trouble?" Athena was the definition of a younger sibling. She clearly relished in the idea that her sister was in trouble.

"Go to your room," she said, pointing at the stairs.

The girl's smile fell as she glared at her mother. "You're mean. No wonder mama is mad at you." She trudged up the stairs with slumped shoulders.

Not only was her wife mad at her, but now her children were too. Whoever or whatever sent her here should've given her a manual or something. How was she supposed to figure out this mess without some help? Older Quinn had clearly made some not so sound decisions. She made some big mistakes that were now costing her family.

She slid down the wall and buried her head in her knees. No one had asked her permission before they whisked her off into this life. Would she still choose this when she goes back? She knew the answer in her mind.

"Mommy?" Athena took a hesitant step towards her. Quinn stared at her with watery eyes. "Are you okay?" Her lower lip trembled at the sight of her mother crying. "Are you crying cause of what I said? I'm sorry."

Quinn heard the sincerity in the little girl's voice, but she also saw the apologetic expression on her face. Her eyes were much softer. "It's fine Athena."

Athena carefully sat on the floor beside her. "I know mama is mad, but she'll forgive you. Avery always forgives me. I forgive her too sometimes." She stage whispered. Quinn chuckled. Athena had not yet mastered the art of whispering.

"I'm not really crying because of you. I mean that did hurt my feelings." Athena may not be her child for several years into her future, but it still hurt. "But you are entitled to your feelings." Athena crinkled her brow in confusion. "Entitled means you think you deserve something. You're allowed to be mad, but it's not nice to yell at others. Do you want to tell me what happened with you and Avery today?" She definitely had this parent thing down.

The little brunette frowned as she glanced up at her mother. She placed her elbows on her knees and let out a long sigh. "Uncle Kurt took us ice skating in the city. Avery said I was a baby. I fell and hurted my knee. She said only babies cry when they fall. So I pushed her. She cried too." She added.

Quinn could admit that she was a bit out of her depth with this one. Both siblings were wrong, but was it really her place to punish them for their wrongdoings? "Do you think that was nice?"

Athena lowered her head so she was looking at her hands. "No, but she's always mean to me."

"Don't sink yourself to her level. If she wants to be mean then you come to me or mama." It was something her mother used to tell her when she was a kid. She retaliated against her older sister, which usually ended with both of them in trouble. "I used to get back at my sister when I was your age. Frannie had once cut off the hair of my favorite doll. So as payback I cut off pieces of her hair when she was sleeping." Athena covered her mouth as she tried to hide her giggles. "My mom punished both of us after she found out the whole story. I know like telling your parents doesn't seem like much, but I think it's better to not get in trouble, don't you?"

Athena cast her eyes down and her lips pinched together. It dawned on her that she was in trouble for her actions. She was anxious about her punishment. "I'm in trouble?" She asked in a small voice.

Quinn tapped her nose. "What do you think?"

The girl lifted her shoulders in a defeated gesture. "I didn't mean it. I'll say sorry."

"Sorry would be a good start, but punishments are more about what you can learn. It makes you think about the consequences the next time you want to do something naughty." Quinn decided to go easy on the girl since she fessed up. "You are to stay in your room. But you aren't allowed to play or read. You have to sit there and think about what you did, and what you could've done instead of pushing your sister. There will also be no dessert for you for a whole week."

Athena's jaw dropped. "But why can't I have timeout?" Quinn concealed her smile. It was telling if a child would rather have their normal punishment than the one they were assigned. Quinn remembered attempting to bargain with her own mother.

"I think it's time to change up your punishments. You're almost five. You can't expect a timeout for every bad thing you do anymore. You're old enough to understand that actions have consequences. Now do as I asked please."

Athena groaned, but went upstairs without another word. She accepted her fate.

Quinn was beginning to understand this whole parenting business. She convinced herself that she wouldn't be able to raise a baby. Everyone had told her so. Her parents, Finn's mother, Terri Schuester, even Puck's mother didn't think she was capable of raising a child without undoubtedly screwing it up.

As she looked at all the pictures though, she knew she hadn't screwed them up. They were perfectly happy and normal children. They were well adjusted, and fought like any set of siblings would. Most of all they loved her. Love was something that was said in her house, but there was no real meaning behind it. They were empty words her father used to say. However, she questioned whether her father knew what love was.

The blonde pushed herself off the ground, a few joints cracking in the process. While she had talked to Athena, she still needed to talk to Avery. Rachel wasn't home, and it was up to her to deal with this. She apparently had screwed up enough already. Quinn had a feeling Avery wasn't really mad at her little sister. It was definitely time fix her future self's mistakes before she lost everything. She may not be sure of how it all happened, but she was certain of one thing. She would never recover from the loss of losing another family.

* * *

 **AN- Avery definitely has a lot of Quinn in her. She's very angry at her mom, but she's only a kid and doesn't really understand the full situation. We will definitely see more Quinn and Rachel interaction in the next chapter. At the moment Rach wants nothing more than to be away from Quinn. So what did you guys think?**


	4. This Christmas

**AN- Thank you to every person who has read this story. Yes, Quinn was wrong and even past Quinn knows that. I can't reveal yet how Quinn is there, but it's not because of science.**

 **Sadly I don't own Glee, otherwise Faberry would totally be a thing.**

* * *

Quinn hesitantly knocked on Avery's door. Privacy was important to pre-teens and teenagers. One it meant their parents trusted them, and two it meant they were growing up.

"Come in," Avery yelled from the other side. Quinn wasn't sure what she was expecting when she entered the girl's room, but it was definitely not this. The room was lilac with Avery stenciled in light green on the walls. The curtains were a light green as well. There were four windows so a lot of light filtered through the room. All of the furniture was white. She had some purple and green rugs. There were a few Broadway posters on the walls.

The walls were covered with quotes that were from books that Quinn read herself as a child. She had shelves lining her walls with trophies and books. She noticed the little tennis figurines on top of the trophies. Avery was a tennis player, and from the looks of it, a really good one.

Avery barely glanced up at her mother. She was busy playing on some tablet. "Yes?" A hint of an attitude evident in her voice.

"You may be mad at me, but I will not tolerate disrespect." It was a line her mother used to tell her and her sister.

Avery rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well I guess we're both going to be disappointed aren't we?"

Quinn clenched her fists. Avery inherited some of the worst parts of her personality- the ones that often got her in touble.

"You are about one more smart comment away from being grounded for two weeks." The girl sat up immediately- her face morphing into one of contrition.

The girl glared at her incredulously. "That's not fair." Avery whined. "I didn't do anything." Why did every kid say that when they knew they were in trouble? Quinn was honestly baffled by this realization. She wouldn't be the first kid, and Avery most certainly wouldn't be the last to that to their parent.

"That is where I disagree. You are a child. Now we are going to talk." She took a seat on the girl's queen sized bed. It was a pretty big bed for such small person.

"I don't know what there is to talk about." She crossed her arms over her chest petulantly.

Quinn took a deep breath. It had only been a few hours, and she was finding being a parents was exhausting. "Let's start with what happened with your sister at the skating rink."

Avery scowled, avoiding her mother's eyes. "She fell. I wanted to go home. End of story. The end. Are we done?"

"No we are not done. Athena told me what happened." She told her.

She lowered her head, her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "Now you know I'm a cry baby."

The mother gently lifted her daughter's face. There was a lot of Quinn there, but she could see hints of Noah in Avery's facial expressions. "Hey, there is no need to be mortified. You cried. I cry when I get a paper cut." She had a low pain threshold. "However teasing your sister isn't nice. She's four years old and looks up to you." The girl dropped her head once more. "I know it sucks being seven years older than her, but you guys are going to need each other."

"Like when one of us does something bad, but we don't want to tell you or mama about it because we know we'll get in trouble?" Quinn nodded, although not really wanting to encourage that sort of behavior.

"I want you to apologize to her, and then you are grounded for a week." Her tone was firm and authoritative.

"How did you punish Athena?" She asked eagerly.

Quinn frowned at the little girl. "Don't you worry how your sister was punished. All you need to know was that she was punished like you." Seriously? Had she behaved the same way when she was younger? "Now I want to address why you're angry with me."

She watched with trepidation in her eyes as Avery's face hardened into a scowl. "I don't want to talk about it." She muttered. Quinn was finding that to be a common phrase in her vocabulary.

"I don't care what you want. You don't want to be seen as a kid, well adults own up to whatever is eating them." She grabbed the tablet from Avery's hand to redirect her attention. This was a serious talk, one that was clearly needed.

"Why would you invite him?" She blurted, her eyes widened in horror-as if she didn't want to admit she knew.

Quinn pursed her lips. "Do you know who he is?"

Avery lowered her gaze. "I was on your computer, and your email popped up. I didn't mean to look, but you were sending a lot of emails to someone. Jenny Miller in my class said that her daddy was spending a lot of time on his computer just before he left her mom." Quinn understood where her daughter could make that connection and come to the inevitable conclusion that her mother might be leaving her other one. "He said that he helped make me." She whispered, her thumbs twiddling in her lap. "I know how babies are made."

The older blonde took a deep breath. "He is your biological father. I'm sure you could gather that from the emails. I did invite him to the party. He hadn't seen you since you were a baby. He went to juvie not long after you were born for some serious crimes. I convinced him to sign away his rights because he would never be able to do right by you. He only visited once before he went away for a few years. By the time he got out, you were two." She scooted closer, grabbing the small girl's hands- offering whatever comfort she could. She read the emails going back six months.

"So he's a criminal?" It was a logical question.

Quinn tilted her head. "I guess. He was a stupid kid, and his mom didn't really care about what he did."

"I was an accident." It was less of a question, and more of a statement. Quinn hated to see the heartbreak on her daughter's face. For so long, she had blamed Avery- her unborn child- for the mistakes she made, but Avery didn't choose to exist. She never asked for it.

She rubbed her thumbs over Avery's soft hands. "While you were not planned, I would not call you an accident. Accident implies that it was never meant to happen. You my love, you were supposed to exist. It may not have been the best time in my life for me to have a kid, but I wouldn't give you up for the world. You and your sister mean the world to mr."

Avery stared at her dubiously, obviously trying to detect falsity in her words. "Why? You could've given me up for adoption. I'm sure your life would be better." She mumbled the last bit under her breath.

Quinn was surprised by the forcefulness of her own words in reaction to Avery's. "Don't you ever say that again. Avery I don't blame you for anything. It was my own stupid actions that got me to where I am. Without you though, I don't know if I would be with mama. Your existence made that possible. Some bad things happened to me along the way, but through that my main thought was to take care of my unborn child. I'm sorry if you were ever left with the impression that you were unwanted because that couldn't be further from the truth."

Avery frowned, her eyes darting back and forth from her mother and her lap. "Okay, but why did you invite him without telling mama?"

She should've expected that. Quinn had an idea of why her future self did it though. "I wanted him to see what he gave up when he chose to do something stupid. He gave up his chance to know you. I was planning to talk about it with your mother." At least she hoped that was the case. "Things got busy though. I should've told her, and that's my mistake. She is right to be mad at me because I did something behind her back."

"Is it like when I kept a bunny in the house behind yours and mama's back?" She spotted the desperation in the girl's eyes to understand the situation.

"It is a bit similar to that yes. In my case though, I made vows to mama. I shouldn't have lied. Do you know what happens when you lie to people?"

Avery nodded. "They don't trust you anymore." She replied, probably from memory.

"That's correct. Mama doesn't trust me. It doesn't mean she doesn't love me, but she's angry. She's entitled to feel angry. I'm sorry we yelled and that you heard it though."

Avery shrugged as if it didn't bother her. "I was a little scared." She admitted solemnly. "I never heard you guys yell like that, not even when we get in trouble."

"One of the reasons we fought was because neither of us wanted to go to bed angry." It was something Quinn promised herself she would do when she got married. It was a stipulation that neither partner would go to bed while still mad at the other. The situation would only worsen in the morning if they were still angry. Quinn had witnessed it with her parents enough times. "Going to bed angry makes the next day seem all that much worse because then you still have to talk. Sometimes you end up being angrier than you were when you went to bed."

Avery cocked her head, a thoughtful expression taking root on her face. "Is that a married people thing?" If there was one thing Quinn loved about her children, it was their innocence.

"Yeah sweetheart," she pulled the girl to her and wrapped her up tightly in her arms. "Don't worry about our problems. We aren't going to get divorced. I promise. I wouldn't let that happen ever." Avery melted into the hug, her arms coming around her mother's waist. She stayed there, and Quinn knew she was trying to compose herself. "Sometimes adults do stupid things that don't make sense to kids. I wish I could explain it better, but I can't. Mama and I have pushed stuff to the side for so long." It was the impression she got as she browsed through her email. "It's easier to ignore a problem until it hits you smack dab in the face." She gently patted Avery's face-eliciting a giggle from the girl.

"So it wasn't a big deal until he was there?" Her eyebrows furrowed-her thoughts displayed on her face. "I don't get it. Why does he want to know me now? What is different about me now compared to when I was a baby?" The heartbreak was written all over her face.

"I think he had his own life to sort out. He wasn't ready to be a daddy, but what he doesn't understand is that life moves on. The world keeps turning. It doesn't freeze because he's not ready for responsibility. Mama and I should've talked about this with you a longtime ago." Quinn sighed. "He was a dumb kid whose own dad left him, and I think he feels like he left you. He doesn't understand that he can't make it up to you. You don't need a… dad." The last part was said with some uncertainty.

Avery shook her head- her curls flying in every direction. "I have the best parents any could ever want. Maybe when I'm older I might want to meet him, but not right now."

Quinn kissed her head. "That's okay, you don't have to. Your mother and I will work it out. We will figure it out."

"Are you going to talk to mama?" Avery asked- worry visible on her young face.

"I will. It's nothing you need to worry about." At this point, she may not have known Avery her entire life, but she knew that she would do anything to protect the precious life she created. "You're still grounded. However if you and your sister are good we can bake cookies later."

"Really?" Excitement etched into her face.

"Yes," she nodded. "I also want you guys to apologize, for the time being though you are to stay in your room."

The girl deflated against her bed. "I figured."

Quinn left the girl to her thoughts as she tried to sort through her own. She settled back in the office. Puck had caused many problems for her. He lied to her about protection for one, but she realized she couldn't keep going round and round. If she kept blaming him, then she would never get out of being a victim. She had to accept her own responsibility in the situation like she told Avery. Puck blamed her, and had yet to accept his own responsibility.

He played the victim. It was a role she was all too familiar with. The previous five months, she did nothing but play victim. She lied to Finn about the paternity of her unborn child- it seemed like a good idea. In the end though, she kept bouncing back and forth until Rachel told everyone her secret. It was the right thing, at the time she didn't view it that way. Despite telling Rachel otherwise, she did blame her. Everything seemed to go well for her.

Yet, it wasn't really Rachel's fault. Quinn had set the whole thing in motion from the moment she lied. It was easier to play the victim, and blame everyone else. There were plenty of people willing to help, but she didn't want to seem like an invalid.

It was really hitting her hard why she might have agreed to the whole Puck thing. She wanted to see if he could redeem himself, or if he was still playing victim. She didn't need him to step up anymore. It was obvious she had done well for herself and her family, and any help Puck could offer was unnecessary.

Maybe it was for her own selfishness. Both her and Puck had terrible fathers, and while her daughter didn't necessarily need one, she wanted to provide one for her. Her father was a good one when she was growing up for the most part. He did put a lot of pressure on her, but it was when he kicked her out that it was the last straw. He stared at her as if she were the filth on his shoes instead of his daughter. It stung more than she would admit out loud.

Quinn decided it was time for a distraction. She had only explored what was visible on the desk, but there were some drawers. She went for the bottom as it was the biggest. She held her forefinger to the scanner-thanking god that it didn't require a key.

She heard the click and abruptly pulled it open. She couldn't believe her eyes when she saw all the journals inside. The spines all had dates listed on them. She recognized a few from her childhood. Journaling had been her escape.

She picked up the most recent one and flipped to the last entry.

 _December 19, 2021_

 _Yesterday was Rachel's twenty-seventh birthday. We had a small family get together. The girls gave her a necklace with their birthstones embedded in an infinity charm. They wanted her to know that they would love her for forever. It was sweet. Mom won't tell me how much she spent when she took them out to get the gift. Just as well I suppose._

 _I gave her tickets for Paris. It's for Valentine's Day. We are going to spend the entire weekend there. She's always wanted to go, but we never had time with the girls._

 _Tonight is the holiday party, and I've forgotten to tell Rachel I invited Puck. It's too late to uninvited him, but at the same time it's too late to tell her. She would only stress out further, which wouldn't be good at all. She's already going crazy over the party. It's our first time hosting a Christmas party, which is funny since she's Jewish. I don't know what to do. I'm hoping she doesn't notice him. I just want him to see Avery even if he can't know her. I would never do that to Rach. She's Avery's mother, and Puck is a stranger. Maybe one day Avery will choose to let him into her life, but she doesn't need this confusion in her life._

 _Hopefully, with the other Gleeks there he will be distracted enough. I'm hoping tonight goes okay. I'll talk to Rach after the party. She needs to know because I don't full trust Puck to do the honorable thing again. I remember as soon as she was placed in my arms my decision was firmly made. I couldn't give her up. She needed me, and Rach was there. She was there from the beginning. She has loved our daughter from the moment she felt her kick. However, it was when I saw Avery in her arms that I really knew._

 _Santana is pissed at me. I told her about the Puck thing. She doesn't understand. I don't think she will because her father was always there. I know it isn't quite the same thing in Avery's case, but for Puck I want him to see that he didn't abandon her. She's perfectly healthy and happy. She doesn't need him. I just hope he realizes that._

 _I'll write about how tonight goes._

 _-Quinn_

That was two days ago. It was very fresh. Neither her nor Rachel had actually addressed the whole Puck thing if how she was interpreting this was correct. Puck was someone not to be trusted. She knew that. He had his own agenda, and just needed his foot in the door. She rubbed her temples as her had began to throb. How was she supposed to fix this? She barely knew Rachel.

She had barely exchanged words with her Rachel. There was no way she was prepared to explain a mess that her counterpart created because she hadn't made time to sit down with her wife to explain it. Why was this problem? Deep down Quinn knew why it was her problem. A family was something she had been wishing for. However, what she wasn't expecting was a broken one.

Christmas was in a few days time, and she knew that she had to fix the tense situation between her and Rachel. Rachel was justified, but all of that anger wasn't going to do anything productive. It was actually counterproductive.

How was she supposed to get to know Rachel? One glance at the drawer and she knew she had some reading to do. She had to know types of things not to say, and figure out exactly how all of this happened between them.

* * *

 **AN- More diary entries to come. Quinn doesn't know anything about the present or past Rachel. She needs to understand her so that she can make the situation better. What about that heavy talk between Quinn and Avery? We'll see Rachel return in the next chapter along with some other people.**


	5. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

**AN- Okay so there are actually only mentions of Rachel through Quinn's diaries in this chapter. Don't worry, she will actually appear in the next one.**

* * *

Quinn grabbed the diary that would provide the answer of when. It was the diary she was writing in- in her own time. She traced the dried tears on the pages as she flipped through to the first mention of Rachel.

 _December 31, 2009_ \- New Year's Eve, how cliché of them.

 _I don't want to go to this stupid party, but Puck said only the kids from Glee would be there. It's at Rachel's house. Everyone was shocked since she hadn't spoken to a single person since Sectionals._

 _She apparently texted Kurt who texted Mercedes who told the whole club. No one knows what's going on with her. I don't even know why I care that much. It isn't like I really care about her. However, she did stop me from continuing my lie. It still makes me angry that she told, but at the same time I think I might've developed an ulcer if I carried on the way I was. I've been feeling a little weird around her lately. I get butterflies in my stomach and I feel tingly. I'm not sure what that means in relation to her._

 _Rachel has just been withdrawn. She was all fidgety and nervous the last time I talked to her. She was writing the initials ASF. I'm not sure who they belong to though._

"Avery Sophia Fabray," Quinn mumbled, as if it was finally clicking. The notebook, that was where she first saw what would become her eldest daughter's initials.

 _She was being awfully secretive. She did tell me to have a good break. I felt bad because everyone was exchanging gifts, but they all ignored the fact that she's Jewish. She looked sad, and I wanted to make her smile. She's got a nice smile. I have no idea why I'm writing this. I've got to go. Puck wants to leave now._

 _-Q_

 _January 1, 2010_

 _Rachel and I kissed last night. I don't know how it happened but it did. I went to check on her outside because she said she needed some hair. She was having a panic attack and I kissed her. I've completely ruined everything. I don't why I did it. She needed to calm down, and kissing her seemed like the easiest solution._

 _Although, the problem is that it made me feel things. Things that I didn't feel when Puck and I had sex. I was attracted to her. I don't know what this means._

There's a gap between the New Year's entry and the next one.

 _February 14, 2010_

 _I've set up a scavenger hunt for Rachel. Finn's been sniffing around her, and I've got to say I don't like it. I also don't like this Vocal Adrenaline kid Jesse. He's up to something. I wish Rachel would believe me when I try to tell her._

 _She just says, "Quinn, we're friends. You have to trust that I know what I'm doing." Like hell do I trust this one. She liked Finn and look where that got her. She sang 'Gives You Hell' to the idiot because he dumped her for Santana and Brittany. She keeps making these decisions without putting real thought into it._

 _Why would Jesse, a senior from an opposing show choir, want to be with her so close to a competition in which we compete against each other? She doesn't find it suspicious at all. She actually misinterpreted my words, and assumed that I meant why would anyone find her attractive. I wish I could tell her the truth, but she wouldn't believe me. She only sees me as her friend now._

 _After the kiss, I lied and told her that it was me trying to cheer up. It didn't really mean anything except a friendly kiss. I could see the slump in her shoulders, but I couldn't do that to her. She doesn't need to be burdened by my problems. Who would want a pregnant girlfriend?_

 _It's either be her friend or don't spend any time with her at all. I can't not see her. I never realized how amazing she is. She gives vocal lessons to younger children. She volunteers at the kennel. She spends her weekends performing at the old folk's home. Although she hates when I call it that. She says, "Quinn they are people too. I'm sure they don't appreciate being reminded why they live in assisted living. For most of them, they rarely if ever see their children and grandkids. I'm the closest they've got. I've been going since I was six." Apparently it's an innate quirk of hers to give back. "God has given me so much, and I want to give to those less fortunate."_

 _Everyone in Glee accuses her of being selfish, but she's not. Her dads are also really awesome. They are like the coolest men I've ever met. They accept me even though I formerly bullied their daughter. They said that if Rachel can forgive me, then they can. I eat dinner there just about every night. Her dads don't like Jesse either. They think he's a slime ball. Usually on her date nights with him, the three of us sit in the living room bashing him until they come back. We then all glare at him as he walks Rachel to the door and kisses her. It's disgusting._

 _Anyways back to the scavenger hunt, it all leads back to the auditorium where I've prepared a special performance for her. I've recently binge watched a few seasons of Grey's Anatomy. I didn't have anything else to do. I'm all caught up to season 6 now. However there was a song in season 2 finally that really got me thinking. It's called 'Chasing Cars'. I can't stop these feelings I have about her, but I'm also terrified._

 _I'm scared about what people will think, but if I have Rachel, I think I could get through it. When I'm with her I forget about everything else. She makes me forget about how my parents kicked me out, and how Puck tells me he wants the baby, yet never comes to any of the appointments. He is so frustrating. Rachel comes to all of the appointments and Lamaze classes with me. It's not her baby, but she cares about not only the baby but me as well._

 _I'll write about how everything goes._

 _-Q_

 _February 18, 2010_

 _Rachel admitted she had feelings for me too. She knows Jesse is a total douche. He didn't even call or visit at all when she had laryngitis two weeks ago. Then all of a sudden a few days ago, he popped up. It was weird. She won't tell me what he said to her, but I will always think he's a dick. He totally left her all because she triple casted him in her stupid music video. He's an idiot to be mad at her like that._

 _He's gone now at least. I hope he leave McKinley as well, although I doubt he ever really left Carmel. Why would someone leave an award winning show choir for New Directions? I mean they've won Nationals like tons of times. I still think there's something else, but Rachel told me to let it go. The only reason I am is because of her._

 _There's not really an assignment this week. Mr. Schue is in a battle with this guy Ryan Bryan. What a weird name. His parents were real original._

 _I keep getting off topic. Rachel calls it pregnancy brain. We are dating, but we are waiting to tell everyone else. Neither of us thinks it's their business. Besides we are like social pariahs so what does it matter. I told her that we weren't going on an official date until the baby is born. I want to do something without getting tired and feeling fat. I can't believe it._

 _Rachel Berry is my girlfriend._

 _-Q_

Quinn blinked. She hadn't realized she was crying until she saw the tears hit the paper. It was weird to think that all this took place only a few months after where she was taken from. It never registered to her how she felt when Rachel was around. Her sexuality was assumed to be straight because everyone in her family was. There was no room to like girls but she did. Well she liked a girl.

 _February 23, 2010_

 _Holy crap! Yesterday we found out that Rachel's mom is the coach of Vocal Adrenaline. That's why Jesse's been sniffing around her. He must've known._

 _Rachel recognized her voice and got up and walked towards the stage. Mercedes and I were helpless. We couldn't exactly announce our presence. Coach Corcoran and Rachel look a lot alike, and their voices are similar as well. Rachel didn't want to talk about it on the phone last night._

 _Today we dressed up in our best Lady Gaga. It was to support Tina because Figgins is an asshole. The girls (and Kurt) performed 'Bad Romance' and it was a lot of fun. It was very high energy, so I needed a nap afterwards. Rachel's outfit though was… uh… (she's my girlfriend and might read this one day)… it was terrible. She stapled beanie babies together. I felt awful, but then she disappeared for a couple of hours. (I know- THE Rachel Berry actually skipped school.) When she came back she had a completely different outfit that apparently "her mom" helped her with. I don't know what to do._

 _I promised not to tell her dads, but I don't want this to end badly for her. I know how much she wants a mom. It's probably why she's as attached to Barbra as she is. She lacks a female role model. I wish I knew Coach Corcoran's intentions so that I could save Rachel possible heartbreak in the future._

 _-Q_

 _February 25, 2010_

 _Puck is a complete tool. I can't believe he pulled that shit in the choir room. He got all the other guys to sing 'Beth' with him. Does he even know the meaning of that song? It's a joke. He wants to name our daughter after a song about a nagging wife who constantly calls her husband to ask him when he was coming home._

 _I'm beyond pissed. Then he had the nerve to ask if he could be in the room. I told him I would have to think about it. I really don't want him there. He's done enough. He's the reason all of this is happening. I'm glad it is, but at the same time he took advantage of me. I can't forgive that._

 _-Q_

 _February 26, 2010_

 _Rachel is currently asleep next to me. She cried in my arms for an hour before finally dozing off about half an hour ago. Coach Corcoran or Shelby told Rachel they should be grateful from afar. She's nothing but a coward. She's giving up the best thing she did or will ever do in her life. I just held Rachel because there wasn't much else I could do for her._

 _I wish I could fix it, but I can't. I'll just be here for her._

 _-Q_

 _March 5, 2010_

 _That St. Jackass and his stupid automaton friends egged Rachel. This week has been totally crazy. I "officially" moved in with the Berry's. At least they let me eat ham, and don't glare at me every time I enter a room. Jesse went back to VA, but we already knew that. They did a performance in our auditorium and then toilet papered the choir room cause Sue gave them the key. I performed my own Funk number._

 _And then Puck and Finn (Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum) slashed the tires on all of VA's cars. How stupid can they be?_

 _After all that, Jesse wanted to crush our spirit by going after the heart of our group. He wanted to hurt Rachel, the way he claims she hurt him. He and his dumb friends lured her out to the parking lot and threw eggs at her. He cracked one right over her head. She was catatonic for about half an hour. All she kept muttering was "I killed the baby chicks. Quinn I murdered them." She eventually snapped out of it, and then we came up with a way to intimidate VA._

 _We performed a Funk number to show them all that we've got. We have something they won't ever have: emotions._

 _The due date is coming up. I'm really scared. I still don't know what I'm going to do about the baby._

 _-Q_

 _March 14, 2010_

 _Yesterday was Regionals. We didn't place which sucked. Rachel was a bit sad, but she said that she's happy to have gotten to know all of us. I have to agree with that. It sucks that we won't get to spend that time together anymore, but it definitely changed us all in better ways I think._

 _Yesterday was also the day my daughter was born. I knew the moment they placed her in my arms I couldn't give her away. I asked Rachel once again about those initials that I saw a few months back. She told me that in her head she called the baby Avery Sophia Fabray. I decided to go with that name instead of Puck's choice. One of the meanings is power. I want her to know she doesn't need physical power to be strong. Sophia means wisdom. I think she will grow up to be an amazing human being._

 _She loves Rachel already. Every time she leaves her arms, she starts crying unless she's placed in mine. I decided not to let Puck in the room. He wasn't mature enough for it, and after everything he really didn't deserve it._

 _My mom showed up at the competition. It shocked the hell out of me. She held my other hand as I pushed a freaking bowling ball out of me. We have a lot to discuss, but she says she will give me time to decide what I want. She says I can keep the baby and she will help._

 _I don't know what to think about anything anymore._

 _-Q_

There were several more entries dating to just before her junior year. She then picked up the one from her senior year and flipped to the end.

 _May 15, 2012_

 _Nationals is this upcoming weekend. I'm nervous. My mom, Hiram, and LeRoy are driving up with Avery so she can see us perform. It's in Chicago so that's helpful._

 _What's more terrifying is that graduation looms right around the corner. I'm going to Yale. It seemed like such an impossibility considering everything, but my mom is selling the house and moving with me. She's already picked out a house and secured a job. Rachel will be in New York. We've already bought train tickets for visits, and we will discuss skyping in the future. I don't think Avery could go more than a day without hearing her mama's voice._

 _She's so great with her. The two of them have their own language. There's such a strong connection. Normally, if I find one, I find the other. It's cute except when I want some alone time with my girlfriend. My daughter is such a cock block._

Quinn blushed when she realized that she was sexually frustrated. Her and Rachel must not have had a lot of free time for certain… activities. At least in this case there was no chance of either of them getting the other pregnant.

 _Rachel has a solo. She's singing 'It's All Coming Back To Me Now' by Celine Dion. I swear she has sung just about ever Celine and Barbra song there is. I don't know if she can find anymore that she hasn't heard. She's hoping since we met Patti LuPone that she can meet Barbra this year. Her and Shelby talk a bit more, especially since Shelby lives in the city. It'll be nice for Rachel to have someone else besides Kurt with her._

 _-Q_

 _June 9, 2012_

 _We won. We graduated._

 _I'm scared of the future. What if this tears us apart? I've never spent more than a night away from Rachel in the last two years. She's so excited that I don't want to ruin it for her._

 _=Q_

She placed it back in, and pulled out the journal from the year she married Rachel. She flipped it open to what her future self considered the greatest day of her life.

 _August 29, 2014_

 _I should be nervous, but I'm not. I know everyone thinks we are a little young to be getting married. Rachel isn't even twenty yet. I know we live in two different states at the moment, but neither of us can wait any longer._

 _The thing is people keep saying that it's going to be harder to manage a long distance marriage. The problem with that is that we were practically married anyways. This isn't giving us more of a reason to stay together. The wedding is about us. It's not just a commitment and vows. This is us promising a lifetime together. I would have forever with her if I could because that's what I feel for her._

 _Back when this first started, it was unlike anything I ever felt. I was confused. As my feelings developed over the next two months, I began to notice things. I cared more about Rachel's feelings than my own. I hated to see her frown and cry and feel every other negative emotion. I wanted her dreams to come true more than anything. Well I still want that._

 _It's not only about that though. When I'm with her, I forget about all of my problems. I'm in the moment. She makes me a better person. Aside from Avery, she's my favorite person. She was the one person who believed I could change if I wanted. She encouraged me to apply and eventually attend Yale because she knew I could do it._

 _At one point, I wasn't mature enough to handle the intenseness of my feelings for her. We broke up briefly, but it made us stronger in the end. I had to reconcile my past with my present. What my dad left me feeling broken, but Rachel has helped me realize that I can be fixed. All broken things can be fixed. She's changed my whole world. She says I've done more for her than she has for me, but she just doesn't understand. That's okay though._

 _It's actually probably better that way. She would find it creepy if she knew I watched her as she slept. I think there's no sight better than a mussed Rachel. She snores. It's so adorable. Usually there's some drool accumulating on the pillow (my pillow). I must love her to allow that. She's also a real cuddler. She's the little spoon. She tucks her head underneath my chin and I hear a little sigh of contentment as she settles. Sometimes Avery is her little spoon. The two of them are cute when they curl up together. They both snore. It doesn't even bother them._

 _Avery was meant to be her daughter. Watching the two of them together, a person would think they were biologically related. Rachel and Avery share the same appreciation and love for music. Avery bosses people around, much in the way Rachel does. She also stamps her foot. I've gotten on Rachel about doing the same thing, but it's a work in progress. I'm not jealous of their relationship. Avery and I are close as well, but there's something special about their bond._

 _Rachel said she would carry the next and I came him/her. That's what I love about her. We both only want two kids. We don't want to be outnumbered. I'm ready for the future. As long as I have Avery and Rachel, I know I can do anything._

 _-Q_

Quinn was really trying not to sob like a baby. Reading this helped her understand the love she would have for Rachel. It was the type of love where a conversation could be held without the use of words. It was one built on mutual trust and love. The blonde was coming to the crux of the problem.

For all of her words, she was shutting Rachel out. It was like a slap in the face. She could only hope that Rachel never saw those emails. Quinn was in the wrong to not tell her wife about talking with Puck even if it was with good intentions. It reminded her of that saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." While what she wanted to accomplish was good in theory, her actions proved otherwise. She lied by omission to her wife and the blindsided her.

"Crap," she growled. "I've really fucked this up."

"You can say that again." Quinn's head snapped up at the familiar voice. "I was gone for a few days, and you've seriously managed to screw up your marriage."

* * *

 **AN- Who is the mysterious visitor? I had no idea about the KISS song until I looked up its' meaning. I did stick to canon regarding some of the events. As for the dates, I matched season 1 events up to the ones in season 2 to determine when Regionals was and the events preceding it. Quinn needed to understand their relationship in order for her to be able to fix this. There's a little more to it, but that's for later.**


	6. Baby It's Cold Outside

**AN- I hope you guys enjoy. Some of you guys had some really good guesses. DrGleekForever, w1cked, a guest reviewer, cyrstals, and xxconusionxsucksxx all guessed it. The mystery visotor is...**

* * *

"Jesus Christ," Quinn exclaimed loudly-clutching her chest as the breath was knocked out of her. This couldn't be happening to her on top of everything else.

Blue eyes hardened and an eyebrow quirked up. "What have I told you about that? We do not take the Lord's name in vain." The younger woman stood up-more out of habit. "You can any other swear word you want and I wouldn't give a shit."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "What are you doing here?" How the hell had she gotten in?

The older woman held up a key. "Santana called me and told me that you fucked up. Care to explain?" Quinn sighed before sitting and gesturing to the other woman to sit.

"Look mom," well fuck, she didn't actually know how to explain it. From the journals, she got the impression that she and her mother had patched things up. Yet, she wasn't there yet in her own present. She was still bitter that her mother chose her father over her. She needed to temporarily let it go because she needed her help. Rachel was important. "I don't know how to fix it. I invited Puck to the holiday party."

Judy Fabray was many things. Quinn knew that, but above all she always called her daughters out on their shit. She knew Quinn was pregnant, but chose to ignore it because she knew what Russell would do. "Why the hell would you do something so stupid? I left for a few days to visit your sister, and you go do one of the most idiotic things you've ever done. Quinnie, I need you to explain your reasoning to me." Quinn watched as she rubbed her face tiredly.

Quinn squirmed in her seat, uncomfortable with the increasing tension. "I wanted him to know that Avery has a good life. He emailed me on her birthday back in March. He asked about meeting her, but I ignored it." It was more than that.

 _March 14, 2021_

 _Yesterday was Avery's eleventh birthday. She's growing up so fast. I remember when she was just a baby. She would watch everything. Then when she started walking, she would follow Rachel all over. She was like her little shadow. Santana used to make all sorts of jokes about how her shadow was shorter than her. Avery is almost as tall as Rachel. She's smart and talented. She's athletic, and she understands all of Rachel's Broadway rants._

 _That wasn't the only thing that happened. Puck emailed me. I'm not sure how he got my address, but I heard from him for the first time in eight years. He hasn't contacted me since Avery was three, but all of a sudden he wants to meet her._

 _I've decided not to decide in regards of what to do about the email. I understand he wants to know her, but at the same time I'm not sure that's something I want happening. Obviously, we both have daddy issues that have never been quite settled, but I don't want him doing this out of obligation. It is one thing to genuinely want to know the child you helped create, and it's another entirely if he's doing it because he doesn't want to end up like his father._

 _If the matter comes up again, I'll figure out what to do. I'm not going to tell Rachel because the last time she saw him, she attempted to castrate him. It was not pretty. It was the only time we ever let Avery spend any time around him and she ended up in the hospital. I also don't appreciate how he discounts Rachel's involvement. He's still pissed over the fact that I decided not to go with the name Beth. But seriously, he should've put more thought into my daughter's name if he wanted to name her._

 _He needs to clean up his act before I ever consider letting him meet her._

 _-Q_

"Well I should say that I was deciding not to decide. It wasn't indecision on my behalf. I preferred to put the issue on the back burner because I naively believed that the problem would disappear. Unfortunately, he emailed again, around Thanksgiving. We've exchanged brief emails, and I invited him to ease his worry. Regrettably that has backfired on me. First of all, he lacks tact. He ran his mouth at the party, and Sam and Mike had to escort him into a cab. They were displeased by his drunken actions. By then, Santana and Britt had already taken the kids back to her house."

 _December 20, 2021_

 _That fucking idiot caused a scene at the party last night. Rachel has refused to talk to me for the last twelve hours. I'm going bat shit crazy because she wants nothing to do with me at the moment._

 _Santana has sent me several obscene text messages in the last hour alone. I know I royally fucked up, but how was I supposed to know that Puck would be a total ass. The ret of us have grown up, but he still seems to be in high school. I'm relieved Santana took the kids earlier in the evening. They certainly didn't need to witness what happened._

 _He was ranting and yelling. Rachel's pissed because he also broke her favorite vase. Everyone was pleased to see the back of him._

" _Fuck you Quinn, you think with all of your fancy shit that you are somehow better than me." At that point, Sam was attempting to hold him back. "That is my kid. You've already tried to pass her off as Finn's and you're doing the same with Rachel." Rachel had left the room by this point. He had spent the last fifteen minutes shouting at her and me. "I was tricked by your stupid lawyer into signing away my rights. I was in jail, and you took advantage of that. I've talked to a lawyer." By this point, Mike and Sam had both of his arms restrained. He was resisting._

" _Puck, once you've signed rights over and the child has been adopted, there's not much you can do. Your lawyer will tell you that." I knew he didn't really understand it. To him, Avery is his child. That may be true biologically, but legally she isn't his anymore._

" _That's bullshit. You had my rights taken away because I was in jail. You told me I would be able to see her if I signed away my rights. Rachel is not her fucking parent. I am." He smacked his chest angrily, taking another step towards me._

 _Sam and Mike finally dragged him out of the house. The car arrived, and Mike rode with him to his hotel. He wanted to make sure he didn't come back._

 _I'm pissed at myself for allowing this to happen. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. However, he's ruined any chance of seeing Avery until she's 18. At the point, she can decide if she wants to meet him or not. I won't force the issue, and I'm not giving him another chance. MY marriage and family are my main focus, and he can go fuck himself for all I care. He's done enough damage._

 _It's definitely a poignant time. I need to figure out how to make this right._

 _-Q_

Judy carefully regarded Quinn. It was quite unnerving, and she felt like a child again under her mother's stern gaze. "Maybe you should've talked to Rachel before making any decision about Puck." She scrunched up her nose. "I talked to her earlier."

"Is she okay? Where is she? She was supposed to be back ages ago." Quinn found as she was reading that she herself fell for Rachel. Maybe not as deeply as her counterpart as she had not lived through any of it yet, but it was enough to be extremely worried.

Judy bit her lip. Quinn knew she was debating whether to go with a truth or a lie. "She's in Manhattan drunk off her ass. Kurt is with her now." She assured her daughter. "She's been crying. He's only been able to get a little bit out of her. She said something about how you don't want her anymore and how you were in love with Puck." Judy rolled her eyes- as if knowing how dramatic Rachel was- which she probably did, better than Quinn. "She's a mess. Kurt said he would stay with her at the apartment in the city. She's not coming home tonight."

Quinn's shoulders dropped and her head fell forward in defeat. Tears sprung to her eyes because this was all of her fault. Maybe not personally, but a Quinn was a Quinn. No matter how old she got, at heart she would be Quinn. The problem was she didn't know how to stop hurting people, especially the ones who didn't deserve it in the first place.

"I'm sorry," Judy patted her hand. "I would give her tonight. She's going to feel like hell in the morning. She never could hold her alcohol very well. I love her like I love you, so you better fix this shit. I would choose her in the divorce." Somehow she didn't doubt that. Her mother loved her, but hell Quinn would choose Rachel too.

 _December 18, 2021_

 _It's Rachel's 27_ _th_ _birthday. It is a bit funny since I'm almost 28. She's almost a whole year younger. She keeps joking about how I'm so old. I just roll my eyes._

 _We are having a family party later. It will be us and the girls, my mom, her dads, Shelby (she's not so bad), Kurt and Blaine, and Britt and San. Obviously their kids will be there as well. The other Gleeks will be at our first Christmas/holiday party._

 _I still haven't gotten around to telling her about the whole Puck thing. It's her birthday, one of the few days where she isn't allowed to stress about anything. I can't tell her now. I'm hoping when she finds out she won't want to leave me. We promised we wouldn't keep secrets, and I'm keeping a really big one. I just don't want to hurt her. Puck has always been a difficult subject between us, not that he's mentioned often. We try to ignore it as best we can._

 _I'll at least give her the best birthday so that way if all goes to hell tomorrow, I'll have one good last memory with her._

 _-Q_

"Mom, I love her." Quinn stated simply. "She's hurting because I'm an idiot." She swore she heard mom say 'you can say that again.' She glared. "I don't know what to do anymore. It's like three days until Christmas, and my wife can barely stand to be in the same room as me."

Judy leaned back in her seat. Her face was an array of emotions as she considered her words carefully. "Do you want her back? Do you want her to forgive her?"

Quinn stared at her mother in shock. "How can you say that to me? Of course I want her back. I made a fucking mistake. She acts as if she's a freaking martyr. Yeah mine is a little higher up there, and most of the time center around Puck, but I didn't want to hurt her. I had no way of knowing that Puck would go off the way he did. I have no idea why he gives a shit now. Ugh," she slammed her fists down onto her desk. "This is bullshit."

"Well then you need to sit her down and explain. Telling me won't do any good. We both know how dramatic she is, and she's probably come up with several scenarios of you leaving her and running off into the sunset with Puck. It's how she is. She sees the world like the theatre." It was a bit strange for Quinn to hear her mother explaining her future wife/former enemy.

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair in frustration. "I know, I know." She grumbled. "The problem is it is all on Rachel's terms. She won't listen unless she wants to. She has a way of protecting herself."

 _November 20, 2012_

 _We broke-up. I should say Rachel broke up with me. She says it is too hard, and she doesn't want to end up hurt. Santana and Brittany recently broke up. Even Blaine and Kurt broke up._

 _She said she can't keep hoping for things to work out. It is hard to manage her school life and then having to plan visits. She's frustrated with her satanic dance teacher. Her classes are harder than she anticipated, and she's tired. She says she will still be there for Avery, but she can't for me any longer._

 _I know what she's doing. She thinks there's a chance she will end up hurt when all of this is said and done. She believes that I'll fall in love with someone here who is far less dramatic and etc. I don't know how she could think that. She thinks this relationship will be too much for me since she lives in the city while I live in Connecticut. I'm going to see her this weekend because I will not allow her to walk away from this._

 _I was going to wait to propose, but I can't any longer. She needs to know how serious I am about this. I would give her the moon if I could. She's anything but a burden to me. I need her to know that she can tell me her fears so I can make her feel better. We are together even if she thinks we are broken up._

 _-Q_

"Wait until she gets back home. I have a feeling a different Rachel will come through those doors tomorrow. Now come on, we have to start on dinner. I can't have my grandchildren starving. Also I'm feeling a bit peckish myself." Quinn rolled her eyes-following her mother out of the office.

 _June 17, 2017_

 _My baby girl was born today. We decided to name her Athena Charlotte. Athena was the goddess of wisdom. She already looks like such a smart girl. She only has blonde fuzz unlike her sister who was born with a full head of hair. She has pale, baby soft skin. Her toes and fingers are so tiny. She's a lot tinier than her sister was._

 _She was born at 35 weeks, but the doctors say she's perfectly healthy. Her lungs are strong. There's no sign of her being jaundiced. She's taken to breastfeeding like a champ. Her eyes are a murky blue at the moment. I'm hoping she will have Rachel's eyes._

 _Avery just left after meeting her sister. She poked and prodded my baby, and then stared up at me with her big eyes. "This is her?" She asked with a touch of skepticism. I don't blame her. She hasn't been around many babies._

" _Yes, this is your baby sister Athena. She's going to need you. Do you think you can be a good big sister?" Rachel asked- her eyes slowly shutting. She was on the verge of falling asleep._

 _Avery nodded, eager to take on the job. "Yes mama, I'll be the best big sister ever."_

 _Rachel smiled tiredly at our daughters. Avery was holding her baby sister with upmost care. "Good." She said before falling asleep._

 _It's now me and Athena. She's not asleep. Her eyes keep moving around the room. Her eyesight isn't fully developed yet, but I know she's curious about the world like Avery was. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to love her as much, but my mom was right. When you have a second child, the heart expands to make room for them. My heart is bursting with love for not only my children but my wonderful wife. None of this would be happening if it weren't for her. I don't know where I would be if I hadn't made that silly wish._

 _-Q_

* * *

Kurt resisted the urge to roll his eyes again for the umpteenth time that night. He hated when she was drunk because she was an emotional drunk. Most of the time it involved lots of crying.

During college, she cried because of her separation anxiety. She missed her family (Quinn and Avery). It was Kurt's job to distract her. Then there was the time she broke up with Quinn, and drowned her sorrows in red wine. She really enjoyed her wine most of all. It was how he knew how to find her- 230 fifth, her favorite upscale bar.

Except tonight, she was drinking actual liquor. She was hitting it hard with the vodka earlier, but then switched to tequila. The bartender said she already ordered a bottle of Gran Patrón Platinum- the most expensive tequila they had. Half the bottle was gone by the time he arrived.

"It's just like her to do this to me." She stared blankly, pointing her finger in his direction. "Sh-she ruined it all. I should be happy." She sobbed as she poured herself another shot. "I deserve to be happy damnit. But all i want is her. Am I not sexy enough?" More tears fell as she threw back her shot.

"Rach," he started to take the bottle, only for her to snatch it from him. He watched her through slits because they were heading into dangerous territory. He wasn't supposed to allow her to get completely drunk. While he was frustrated with Quinn, he knew she would murder him if anything happened to her wife. "Give me the bottle." He not so much asked but demanded.

She stood up, wobbling slightly. "No, if you can't be a supportive friend, you're not a good friend." Kurt stared at her in disbelief. "Good friends are supportive and good friends let their good friend get drunk. Don't you want to be a good friend?" She went to lean in close, but fell flat on her face. Other people on the rooftop terrace stared and some took out their phones to record the spectacle Rachel was making.

"Fuck," he groaned. He heard her start to cry and they were attracting stares from the other patrons. "Come on Rach, up you go."

"I think I broke my nose." Her hands went to her nose. Then she giggled uncontrollably as if it was the funniest thing ever.

He pried her hands from her face to check that her nose was fine. Unfortunately for him, she was probably right. Her nose started swelling and was bleeding a little. "Thanks Rachel, now your psycho wife is going to kill me."

"She won't be my wife." She offered, patting him on the shoulder. "She's divorcing me for Puck. Didn't I tell you that?" She wrinkled her nose with the most confused expression. Kurt thought she looked like a lost puppy- not that he would tell her that. "WE don't needs her. I'm fine. Perfectly fine with a capital P." Kurt not wanting further drama let the sarcastic comment die on his tongue. She wouldn't appreciate it in her drunken state.

"Let's go." He grabbed her arm.

She stopped him. "I have to pay for the bottle." Rachel wore her serious expression before bursting into laughter once again.

"How much is it?" He asked, taking out his own credit card.

Rachel chewed on her lip as she thought really hard about it. "It might be five hundred." She winced in preparation for his reaction.

Kurt blinked at her. His mouth open and closed as he tried to figure out what to say to her. "You spent five hundred dollars on tequila?"

"Did I ever tell you how handsome that jacket makes you? It really brings out those beautiful blue eyes of yours. How come I don't have blue eyes?" He was unable to resist the temptation of rolling his eyes. She sounded absolutely ridiculous, and could hardly focus on one thing at a time.

"You are going to owe me big," he grumbled unhappily as he paid for the bottle. He then ushered her to the elevator because she needed a visit to the emergency room to see about her nose. "What about your show?"

Her eyes were glassy and her mouth was parted. She was flushed, and he wondered how long she had been on that bottle. Half a bottle of tequila was a lot by anyone's standards. "M-my show, I have a show." She clapped loudly. "Oh Kurt I'm on Broadway." She twirled in her own little world. He seriously considered calling Quinn because he was supposed to be at home with his own son. Rachel was his best friend though, but she was acting out of character.

He knew she was running some last minute errands, but then he received a call from her bodyguard. Thomas knew not to bother Quinn if it was late because of the girls. However, there was something different about this time. Rachel was crying and wouldn't stop for half an hour. That was when she changed to the hard stuff, and he was hard pressed to stop her. As she reminded him, she was a grown adult capable of making her own decisions.

Kurt knew this went deeper than what occurred two nights before. Rachel rarely drank anymore citing it as detrimental to her health. She preferred not to indulge now that she was in the spotlight because of the paparazzi constantly on the lookout for a story.

The elevator stopped and Rachel stared at the numbers. The problem arose as a cab pulled up to the sidewalk. Rachel's balance was off center, and she stumbled into the car. Kurt winced. Her leg would have a huge bruise in the morning, but he was more worried about her face. It wouldn't be the first time she broke it, but this one would be far more memorable than the time his step-brother broke it by dancing.

"Kurt, what if she does leave me? There must've **hiccup** been a reason that she didn't tell me. All of her lies always come back to him. Maybe she has feelings for him and doesn't know how to tell me. Do you think she would take Avery away from me?" Her questions were fired in rapid succession, and Kurt was having difficult keeping up. It was reminding him of her in high school when she basically spoke without breathing.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and she rested her head on his. He didn't have the answers she was seeking, but he knew who did. He wouldn't be the messenger of this. So he texted the one who would deliver it and not ask questions- well not too many.

He brought his arm up to look at his phone. He quickly typed up a brief message.

 _Rach is shitfaced. I'm taking her to the hospital._

 _She might have a broken nose. Tell Quinn. Going to Columbia._

 _-K_

He sent it, and it was no longer his problem. He just needed to take care of his best friend because she was a weeping mess.

"I want my wife." She sobbed. He sighed because it was his favorite jacket, and she was getting tears and snot all over it.

"Call her," he suggested. Kurt wasn't surprised when she sent him a glare and crossed her arms. She was nothing if not a creature of habit. Old habits die hard. She was as stubborn and infuriating as ever. "I don't know why you're looking at me like that. This is your fault. You could be at home, but because you're pissed out your wife we now have to make an emergency room visit."

She huffed and turned away from him without saying a word. It was a first for her. Rachel Fabray was normally quite chatty, but it was obvious how tired she was. It wasn't purely physical either.

"Sometimes I don't understand you." He said to her back. "You want things, often times too much, but you hate when it gets hard." He heard a choked sob, and just knew she was crying. He struck a chord.

Rachel shook her head. "You don't understand Kurt. All good things end sometime. Maybe I was delusional to think that she was as committed to this relationship as I was. It might've been teenage denial and stupidity to think that we were destined to be together."

Why couldn't he smack her? "Rachel, I highly doubt that Quinn Fabray would marry someone because they felt obligated. Do you think she would have children with you if she thought it wouldn't work out. Who did she allow into the room when Avery was born? Whose name suggestion did she choose? Stop wallowing in your own misery and patch things up with her. I know you feel like shit, and you probably will tomorrow as well. However, suck it up because I'm sure she's just as miserable as you are. She shares your pain because you guys are like yin and yang, two sides of the same coin. There is no Quinn without Rachel and vice verse." He was waiting for a reaction when he heard snoring. "Of fucking course." He muttered.

Thirty minutes later, they were waiting in the emergency room.

* * *

Dinner passed with both girls grudgingly apologizing to one another. Quinn knew it was the best she was going to get. They went back to acting like loving sisters. "Mommy, where's mama? She said she didn't have a show tonight?" Avery tilted her head inquisitively. Athena copied her sister's action.

Quinn shared a look with her mother before addressing her daughters. "Mama is staying in the city tonight." She watched as her daughters' faces fell.

"Mama promised she would be home for my whole break." Quinn wasn't sure how to respond. "May I be excused?" She asked politely, her eyes focused on her empty place.

"Me too, me too," Athena shouted.

"Yes," the mother sighed. She was picking and choosing her battles. It was something her older self did quite a bit.

 _February 25, 2021_

 _Avery and Athena got into a fight earlier. I decided to let them work it out for themselves. It wasn't really worth it. It was petty, and sometimes children need to learn how to fix problems they created._

 _If it were more serious I would've intervened. Rachel would kill me if any harm came to them. Luckily it was only yelling and slamming of doors, which I've told both of them about on several occasions. I'm just picking and choosing today. I'm exhausted. They've been acting like little terrors recently, and I don't know why they keep picking fights. Avery says it's because her sister is nothing but a baby. Athena disagreed and said Avery was nothing but a big meanie._

 _They will eventually resolve it amongst themselves. They always do. Of course, they'll be back to fighting soon enough. They are much too dramatic for their own good. They take after Rachel in that regard. They live for the drama. I'm not sure either of them know how to live without it at this point much like their mother. They find it necessary._

 _Every day is more interesting than the last as I discover new quirks and personality traits they've learned from Rachel. One of them is their need to be melodramatic. When they recount events, they embellish quite a bit, and it's often accompanied by over the top hand gestures. The part that makes it comical is that they don't realize they are doing it. It's just a part of who they are._

 _Secondly, I've noticed all three of them do this at the same time. At times when they are deep in thought, they frown, their tongue will stick out, and they strum their fingers or tap with a pencil or (crayon in Athena's case). They also make these weird animal noises when they are frustrated. I actually taped them doing it because I couldn't stop laughing._

 _The three of them have a need to speak properly and use big words. I'm not even sure where Athena learned the word apathetic, but she used it on me the other day. She told me she was "apathetic to Avery's plight." She was referencing the fact that Avery was grounded for receiving an F on her Geography test. I stared at her long and hard trying to figure out where my child went when I realized she was Rachel._

 _One of the worst quirks they have is their incessant need to constantly fill silence with words. They love talking (shouting) about anything and everything. They are worse when they try to get me involved in the conversation. They stare at me with their big eyes and their lips in full pout mode. I think the best part is when they all try to steal center of attention from one another._

 _I'm sure Rachel would say they've picked up some of my quirks as well. But I love seeing Rachel in them. It warms my heart to know how much our children love and adore her. They have all the best (and worst) parts of her. Like that foot stomping thing and the storm outs, I'm not sure if I can break them of that habit since Hiram and LeRoy couldn't even break Rachel of hers. I'll still love them anyways (at least they don't do it so publicly.) Or when they tell people beforehand that they are going to hug them. They are observant little imps for sure._

 _P.S. I also love how they constantly sing like Rachel. I mean literally everywhere._

 _-Q_

Her phone or whatever it was dinged on her wrist. It was a message from Santana. She carefully read and her face paled. Rachel was at the hospital. Quinn first thought was that this was definitely a nightmare. When stuff like this happened in the movies, didn't it always have a more positive spin to it? Where is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or the light at the end of the tunnel? Why was this happening to her?

 _December 25, 2017_

 _CHRISTMAS!_

 _It was Athena's first Christmas. She cared more about the wrapping paper and boxes like Avery did as well. Although, she does seem to like the princess play mat she received. Otherwise she doesn't really care for the clothes and other things we got her. It was more for us and Avery than her. Avery didn't like the idea of her sister not getting a lot of presents for Christmas._

 _Avery loved all of her clothes. Her favorite part , you guessed it, her toys. She received some new Barbies and a doll house. We got her a purple cruiser bike with a basket. She complained all summer about wanting a 'big girl' bike. There were some new dress-up outfits she could add to her chest. She squealed when she saw that she now has her own microphone to perform with-cue the impromptu performances._

 _Her all time favorite gift is all the tennis stuff she got. She loves her new pink tennis racquet along with her pink tennis balls. We also got her some new tennis clothes since her old ones were getting a bit small. She's becoming her own person, and it's weird to see her growing up. She's almost eight years old, and I'm not sure I'm ready for this. I guess time will truly tell how all of this goes._

 _I have to say though it was the best Christmas. It was just the four of us as mom stayed with Frannie this year for the holidays. It was special I have to say. I'll treasure the memories of my little girls forever, especially because of the pictures in their matching pajamas. I never thought my heart could feel so full of love, but today was like a complete dream._

 _-Q_

* * *

 ** _AN- I_ never did say how Rachel would appear in the chapter. She really was going to run some errands, but we all know how people like to drink away their sorrows. She's more in the high school Rachel mindset and is insecure because of Quinn's betrayal. Will she suck it up and call? Will Quinn show up? What about the journal entries? Let me know what you guys think.**


	7. Please Come Home for Christmas

**AN- I don't really know what to say about this chapter. So just sit back and r &r.**

* * *

Judy Fabray was an enigma to Quinn. She had spent most of her life trying to figure out her mother. There was something about her that was ethereal in a sense. She just seemed above it all. Quinn wondered if it had anything to do with her father and their convoluted marriage. Their relationship remained unclear to their young daughter as her mother was not particularly neglectful towards him, but she wasn't nurturing either. She was just there- like now.

"Quinn, you've never been one to mince words. Why don't you divulge whatever it is you are holding in but desperately want to say out loud?" Apparently, her mother could still read her like a book.

She huffed an irritated sigh. "Are you actually mad at me?" Her voice was vulnerable and her defenses were down.

Judy watched her daughter carefully. "No, it's just you're infuriating. I completely understand wanting to give the Puckerman boy a second chance." Quinn raised an eyebrow. "He is a boy. He isn't man yet. He still needs to grow up. You could've told someone though. It didn't necessarily have to be your wife although that is preferable to any alternatives. I want to know what compelled you to keep this a secret."

Quinn lowered her eyes in shame. "I guess because I know how everyone can be. All of my friends from Glee including my wife, well they tend to be melodramatic. They may be able to see with shades of grey, but in certain situations it is clear cut for them. Most of the time they tend to overreact, especially when they don't understand." She knew how her friends were. It was one of the reasons for the amount of fights they had only four months in.

"Yes, they are like that. But they are protective too. They are rallying around one another. No one is angry. They feel offended because you chose to bear this alone."

"It's my burden to bear." She told her mother. "Rachel isn't exactly a saint. If I told her, she would look at me with those wounded puppy dog eyes of hers. She wouldn't understand because she's always had loving fathers who have probably been overly involved in her life." Judy snorted in agreement. "The closest I could probably get her to understand the situation is bringing up the thing with Shelby."

Judy dropped her gaze. "Yes I can see why you had no desire to do that. It is a bit different than you and Puck and your fathers."

Quinn had to agree with that. Rachel had two loving fathers, but she sought a female presence- a mother. It is hard to face the sting of rejection because you aren't what someone is looking for. Rachel was already a social pariah, and then her mother made her feel more like one. She could understand why her counterpart wouldn't want to hash out the past and remind Rachel of her own history with a parent.

"I want to explain this to her properly since I will have to." They were finally in the city. Santana came over to watch the girls, while Quinn and Judy headed to the emergency room. "I don't want her to think this is about me having any sort of romantic feelings toward Puck. It isn't in the slightest. She's still waiting for the other shoe to drop. That is how Rachel operates. Most of the time she doesn't think she deserves all the good things that happen to her."

 _November 20, 2016_

 _Rachel is officially pregnant. I can't believe it actually took. Rachel hasn't said a word. She's sat catatonic on our bathroom floor for the last three hours. I know she's happy, but there's something else bothering her._

 _-Q_

 _November 23, 2016_

 _We went in for the ultrasound today. Our baby six weeks. We could just make out a slight whooshing sound. Rachel completely freaked out. She cried hysterically. I had no idea what was happening. She wouldn't let me touch her when I attempted to calm her down._

 _She immediately got into bed when we got home. I think she's scared that she's going to lose the baby. The doctor said she needed to put on some more weight. She's actually lost ten pounds in the last few weeks because she can't keep anything down._

 _-Q_

"It's up to you as her wife to reassure her. I know she wouldn't talk to you because she's stubborn as a mule, but you can be just as stubborn. Force her to listen, learn how to communicate for God's sake."

"I thought we don't take the Lord's name in vain." She gently teased her mother.

Judy rolled her eyes. "Some situations call for it. I need you two to be a team again. How can I be expected to remarry next year when one of the best couples I know is having difficulties? The two of you have allowed me to believe in redemption and love." Quinn squeezed her mother's hand. "Santana has her own weird way of being a protector. She wants to protect both you and Rachel. It's kind of hard to do that at the same time at the moment."

"Yeah you are right." She nodded. "Santana likes to feel involved and a part of it all. Me not talking to her about this was like a stab in the back. She still wants to help and do her lawyer thing. I do owe her an apology. If there was anyone besides Rachel I should've told, it was her. She knows how to deal with Puck better than anyone. You know mom I find it disconcerting for you to know so much about everything. There was once a time when I believed you were above it all." _Yeah my present_ , Quinn amended in her head.

Judy was chagrined. "Yes I have many regrets in my life as we both are aware. The one at the top of the list is when I allowed your father to kick you out of the house. I was far too comfortable, and in a moment my world slid from my finger tips. It was like I was on a speeding train and there was no way to stop the collision." She exhaled softly before continuing on. "We both know that you were better off not living there while your father was still there. He is a bigot as I'm sure you very well know. He's impacted your life in ways I'm sure you've never realized. It's hard to look back and not recognize the person you were."

"I look in the mirror all the time and never recognize myself." Quinn told her mother. If it was honesty time, she was going to be as forthcoming as possible. "I wipe away the fog and stare, deep and hard. I make all sorts of faces, but sometimes it doesn't feel like me."

"I wish I could tell you that the feeling goes away, but sometimes it doesn't." Judy glanced over at Quinn with thoughtful consideration. "When that happens, you have to remind yourself of who you are and how far you've come. Life is a challenge. Just because you've climbed to the top of the mountain doesn't mean your journey is complete."

Quinn frowned, her eyes closing slightly as she let her mother's words sink in. All this time she kept thinking that getting pregnant was the end of the world. She thought her life was over because she was going to have a baby. She believed that she would never get out of Lima. "I've stopped climbing." Quinn realized. "I've become passive in my life. Rachel has as well. We stopped listening because it becomes background noise at some point. You believe that it's just the same thing on repeat over and over. It is that whole saying in one ear and out the other."

Judy beamed with pride at her daughter. "A marriage is based on more than love. Part of the foundation of a healthy relationship is trust and communication. You once told me Rachel was your best friend. Best friends tell each other everything. Part of the reason Russell and I didn't work out was because he was never my best friend. I saw him as comfort. My family approved, and I thought he could provide financial security. Our marriage lacked passion. I never once looked at your father the way you look at Rachel when she's not looking."

Quinn took her mother's advice to heart. Santana mocked her endlessly in high school because in her opinion no one bullied someone as aggressively as she bullied Rachel unless they were over compensating for something. She correctly assumed that there were some underlying reason for why Quinn constantly tormented McKinley's resident diva.

It was never anything to actually do with Rachel. She naively believed it was for all this time, but being in the future was giving her a lot to consider. Why did she care if Finn cheated on her with Rachel? She knew her relationship with Finn wasn't bursting with love. So why did it matter? Did she really join Glee club to make sure Finn stayed away from Rachel or because she wanted to be closer to Rachel? Thinking about the different possibilities was giving her a headache. Had she really been this blind?

* * *

Rachel sat in the exam room contemplating the mess she had made. Her head was still fuzzy, and she was admittedly still quite drunk. She was in pain too. The pain was still a bit numb from all of the liquor she consumed. It was going to take a long sleep for the effects of the alcohol to fade.

In truth, she wasn't sure how she ended up in the bar. One minute she was looking at the perfect gift for her wife and the next she was ordering a shot of vodka. The whole night ended up out of her control as she couldn't stop. The worst part was she knew how irresponsible it was going off the grid as she had. She had even sent her bodyguard home- assuring him that she would be fine. It was a half truth. Physically she was fine, but mentally her mind was all over the place.

Her mind flitted all over as different possibilities crossed her mind. She wasn't sure why she immediately went to the worst case scenario. It was an ingrained habit of hers- one she had yet to break. She knew another one that she could break, but her stubbornness was overriding the logical part of her. Kurt was right though. She debated whether or not to call her wife. "I'm going to call her." She decided. "Yeah," she nodded her head.

In the ten seconds it took for Quinn to answer, Rachel considered hanging up. She was mortified. "Rachel, is everything okay?"

Her chin trembled before she began to cry. "I'm sorry." She apologized. None of this would've happened if she had let her wife explain. "I hate boys." She sobbed into the phone.

"Rachel you're still drunk. I'm not sure if you really know what you're saying at the moment."

Rachel nodded before remembering that Quinn couldn't actually see her. "I'm not really drunk. I wouldn't be able to touch my nose if I was drunk."

Quinn's raspy laughter could be heard booming through the speaker. "I will be at the hospital soon honey. Can you wait until I'm there?"

"Okay," she sniffled. "I love you." She whispered tenderly. She really did.

"I know. I love you too."

Rachel ended the call. Once upon a time she ended this. She told Quinn she loved her, but that she never wanted to see her again. It was hard to maintain a family when both people attended school in two different states on top of everything. Quinn had seen through her evasiveness, and stated in no uncertain terms that they were together for better or worse. Then she popped down onto one knee and the rest was history.

It was in that small moment that she knew without a doubt everything would resolve itself. They would figure out their long distance relationship and what it would entail for the next few years.

As a person prone to histrionics, it was in her nature to not necessarily consider another person's feelings before her own. Yes, her children came first, but after that it was herself. It was coded in her DNA to automatically assume the worst and come to the most dramatic conclusion. She was a thespian. She was predisposed to this sort of irrationality- not that it was any sort of excuse.

It was one of those moments where the rug was pulled out from beneath her. She didn't know up from down, right from left. She was left floundering because she had no idea what to do. It was an unexpected situation for her, one which she had no control or knowledge.

"Rachel," Quinn breathed as she pulled back the curtain. Quinn certainly wasn't expecting the woman who had been standoffish earlier that day to fling herself into her arms. She did. It was an awkward embrace until she slowly slid her arms around the brunette. She inhaled Rachel's lavender scent. Her hair tickled her nose, but she didn't mind. The hug felt like coming up for fresh air.

"I'm so sorry." Rachel cried into Quinn's neck. "I never gave you a chance to explain. And I've been indifferent towards you for the last couple of days. I'm sorry." Quinn tightened her hold on the brunette. "You actually came."

Quinn shushed her and rocked them from side to side. "It's okay Rach. Take a seat and calm down. We have time to talk about it. I promise we will. I'll tell you anything you want to know." She gently brushed away her Rachel's tears.

Rachel stared up at her with watery eyes. "I haven't completely ruined us?"

"No you haven't." She gave her a wane smile-tucking hair brown hair back. "You're so beautiful." Quinn murmured mesmerized at how she had never noticed. In her time, she constantly belittled Rachel. The names used were derogatory and malicious, and she had relished in the feeling of making Rachel feel small. But in that second with her sitting in front of her with her bruised nose, Quinn had never seen a more beautiful sight.

She had inflicted so much pain, yet Rachel forgave her for it. She fell in love with her despite all of her obvious flaws.

Rachel flushed under the intensity of Quinn's gaze. "I can't remember the last time you really looked at me like that." She mumbled. "I'm not even at my best. I'm still kind of drunk and my nose." She clasped her hands tightly to her nose.

Quinn pried away Rachel's tiny hands- wondering how they could call her man hands. "No, your nose is fine. I don't see any of that right now. You're alluring. All I can think about is the softness of your lips. My lips on your smooth, delicate neck. Your eyes are captivating. Those brown orbs melt my heart like a mug of hot chocolate on a cold day. It makes me feel at home. Your skin," she moaned as she caressed Rachel's face. "Is so soft. Rachel you are beauty incarnate to me. I know you don't feel beautiful, and I'm partially responsible for that. But to me, you will always be the most appealing person in the room. Falling in love with you was the best decision I never made."

Rachel covered Quinn's hands with her own and held them to her face. She was left speechless. She was astounded at Quinn's ability to make her feel like the most special person in the world. "You're simply lovely Rachel. I once wrote a poem about you. At the time, I didn't know it was you who I was writing about."

 _December 5, 2009_

 _I close my eyes_

 _I take a breath_

 _I picture your face_

 _I feel your breath_

 _It warms my insides_

 _It speaks to my soul_

 _I know you're there_

 _In our place_

 _Waiting for me_

 _Like I'm waiting for you_

 _It isn't right yet_

 _But soon it will be_

 _And then it will be just you and me_

 _In the stars as long as they shine_

 _It will be our safe haven_

 _A place only for us_

 _-Q_

"How come you never told me about it?"

Quinn shrugged in an attempt at deflection. "I guess cause I forgot about it. I wrote it in one of my old journals. Back then I was going through a lot. Teen angst, changing hormones, confusion, repression, I didn't know what I was feeling." Quinn was surprised to realize that it was the truth. While she wrote the poem, she ignored the image of Rachel that kept popping up in her head. She tried to convince herself that it was someone else. She couldn't be gay on top of everything else that was wrong in her life.

"It was perfect." Rachel's lips quirked up. "I think you touched my soul." Quinn poked her nose because Rachel was still very much under the effect of alcohol.

Rachel giggled, and Quinn felt a weight lift off of her. Rachel's laugh was one of her favorite sounds. It was infectious. Her eyes would sparkle and it was like her whole body was feeling it.

"Okay Mrs. Fabray, we got your X-ray shows that you definitely have a nasal fracture. It's a break on the bone." He pointed at the X-ray. Quinn glared at him for delivering the bad news. "I noticed that this isn't the first time you've broken your nose." Quinn eyed Rachel.

"Uh yeah in high school, my sort of ex accidently punched me in the face." The blonde clenched her fists because she knew exactly who Rachel was talking about.

"Well the swelling should go down in a few days. The bruising around the bridge of your nose and eyes will fade in two or three days max. We are going to put a splint on the nose, and I recommend maybe a cold compress. You should also probably take Tylenol or Advil for pain relief. Luckily it isn't a bad break that requires surgery. You also don't show any signs of concussion luckily. I'll get the nurse to place the splint and then you can be discharged. By the way my wife is a huge fan of yours." Quinn smacked her head and groaned. It was seriously not the time for that. Couldn't he see that he was being unprofessional?

Quinn cleared her throat and he regained his composure. Rachel snickered as he excused himself. "Idiot," the blonde muttered.

Rachel smacked her arm. "Be nice." She warned with a raise of her eyebrow.

"But come on Rach, that is unprofessional." She gestured wildly in the direction the man left.

The other woman pursed her lips and raised a shoulder. "I'm used to it by this point. Now if it were my Ob/gyn then I would have a problem. But he's harmless baby."

The blonde's insides warmed at hearing Rachel call her baby. She liked it- a lot. Such a simple name had her jumping for joy on the inside. The nurse entered shortly, and Rachel winced as she splinted her nose. She squeezed Quinn's hand tightly. Quinn kissed her forehead when it was all said and done. "Keep that on for a week or two just to make sure that your nose is properly aligned as it heals."

Rachel nodded, chagrined over the whole night. She had made a mockery of herself. There were lots of people taping her ridiculous, childish behavior, and it was bound to get out. "Quinn," she looked around with wide, searching eyes. "I can't find my coat," the blonde stared at her in disbelief. "But I found myself."

After everything that happened that night, Quinn completely forgot that Rachel was still drunk. She had her serious moments. Kurt had said as much when he described her odd behavior. However, he warned her that Rachel had half a bottle of tequila, and an unknown amount of vodka before he arrived on the scene.

"Rach," she bit her lips to hid her laughter. It was just funny. "You're wearing your coat."

The brunette glanced down and then gasped in surprise. "So I am."

* * *

Kurt and Judy were still in the waiting room when Rachel was discharged. Kurt took full responsibility for letting the situation get out of control, and he wanted to know how his best friend was fairing. Rachel smiled at him dopily. "Psst, Kurt do you want to know a secret?" Kurt shot Quinn an amused look and nodded. "Did you know that I can sing because I'm Barbra Streisand?" She stage whispered, but all of them heard it. It was the last thing any of them were expecting her to say.

"Is she still drunk?" Kurt asked.

Quinn nodded. "She's probably not as far gone as earlier, but she's such a tiny thing. Alcohol hits her harder than most. I think being in the hospital sedated her a bit, but now she's got people to talk to again."

"Kurt I love you. And I'm not just saying that cause I'm drunk. I'm like really serious right now. You're so important to me, and I'm just bursting with love for you. Like my heart is just boom, boom beating for you. You're so special." Her eyes were earnest. "Do you love me?" She frowned. "No wait don't answer that." Kurt couldn't handle it. He started giggling like a little school boy at the hilarity that was ensuing before him.

"Come on, it's time to get you to bed." Rachel pouted. "Don't look at me like that. You need to sleep this off. I already know you'll be praying to the porcelain gods in a few hours."

"Can we have sex?" She blurted. Quinn froze mid-step as she choked on her spit.

Kurt and Judy excused themselves. They made some excuse about hailing a cab for Kurt. It was awkward to say the least.

"Babe, you can barely walk let alone take your shirt off. We can table this discussion for later. Besides I have a feeling, you'll be glad that we didn't have sex in the morning." Rachel sighed. "Now come on, we need to get some water in your system and maybe some food. Did you eat anything?"

Rachel scrunched up her face adorably. "Uh… I wanted a pizza. Cause you know each bite has bread and veggies and cheese. It's an amazing concept. How do they do that?" Quinn couldn't take her seriously. She had never seen this side to Rachel before. The now woman was always headstrong, ambitious, abrasive, and most of all annoying. They were far too different (at least it seemed that way) to ever be friends, let alone what they've become. For the first time though, she was seeing the real Rachel Berry- not the one who hid behind a diva façade. This was the girl who was afraid to have fun.

"Come on my little leprechaun." She threw an arm around Rachel's shoulders to steady her. Also maybe for the close proximity it allowed between them.

Rachel half-heartedly stomped her foot. "Did you have to add little?"

"Yes," Quinn smirked. "Let's go get you that pizza. Then you can sleep and vomit. Then we can talk tomorrow. After that we can go home."

"You still want me even though I'm drunk and my nose is all messed up?" Rachel murmured.

"I'd still want you if you couldn't sing ever again. Aesthetics mean nothing, and that doesn't mean I don't think you're beautiful. And everyone's had some bad experiences while being drunk. It's all apart of life." She leaned her head against Rachel's as they said their goodbyes to Kurt.

"Feel better," he said. Rachel made no move to hug him- content in Quinn's arms. "Call me tomorrow after the hangover passes."

"I will." She nuzzled her wife's neck, enjoying the warmth that flooded through her.

"I'll see ya Quinn. And Judy it's a pleasure as always." He kissed the older woman on the cheek before getting into his cab.

"I'll drop the two of you off at the apartment, and then drive back to the house to relieve Santana. You can call Thomas tomorrow to pick you guys up."

Quinn nodded, not really listening to her mother. She just wanted to lie down after such a long day. Yesterday seemed like ages ago. She could hardly believe she had only been there for less than a day, and yet so much had happened. She wondered when she would go back because as lovely as it all was, she wanted to experience how she got there firsthand instead of through a secondhand account. She wanted to fall in love with Rachel, not only through her words, but in person. Without a doubt, she knew that when she went back she would still choose Rachel and all of this.

* * *

 **AN- Up next is the big talk. We'll see how that goes. Then the whole family will be reunited. Rachel barely has a filter sober, so I feel like drunk, she literally just says what she's thinking, no matter how ridiculous.**


	8. Winter Wonderland

**A/N- Hello to all my lovely readers. I know it has been over two months since I last posted, but real life has gotten in the way. My grandmother had major heart surgery. Then I started my junior year in college which is absolute craziness. October is also a hard month for me as it marks the one year anniversary of my cousin's death. There are only a few chapters left. It's a pretty short fic.**

* * *

Quinn knew the exact moment Rachel woke up. The covers were hastily thrown on top of her and she heard the rushing of Rachel's feet as she ran to the bathroom. Then there was the awful retching that followed not long after.

Quinn wanted to laugh in a not humorous sort of way, but at the irony of the entire situation. It was quite reminiscent of the morning after she lost her virginity to Puck. She spent most of her morning praying to the porcelain gods, regretting her decision to keep drinking the wine coolers he pushed on her. It was certainly one of her dumber moments, but she's sure she doesn't regret the end result.

Even with Rachel puking her guts out in the next room, Quinn knew that this would one day become her future and she wouldn't change it for the world. Rachel was everything. Her family was her world in just the one day she had been there. So much about the future was unclear even through the use of her journals, but yet it was a good place.

"Can I have that aspirin now?" The blonde lifted her eyes to her beautiful wife and the corners crinkled when a loving smile appeared on her lips. Rachel looked worse for the wear, but Quinn supposed that's what happens when one spends many hours drinking hard liquor.

Quinn rolled out of the bed and took Rachel in her arms. She simply held her there without either speaking a word. They took comfort in one another's presence. Rachel molded herself into Quinn's embrace, which was perfectly fine with the taller woman. She realized how perfectly the smaller woman fit against her. It was like two halves of a whole coming together.

"I love you." Quinn whispered reverently into Rachel's ear.

Rachel's arms came up to wrap around Quinn's midsection. "Even when I'm a needy, clingy wife?"

Quinn chuckled into Rachel's hair. "Especially then. Baby, there will never be anyone else that can complete me like you do. You are my world. Long after the children leave, it will still just be me and you."

"I like the sound of that. We've never just been me and you before."

"I think you got the raw end of the deal when you chose to be with me." The blonde admitted sadly. For the life of her, she couldn't understand Rachel's reasoning for staying with her. Avery wasn't biologically hers, but it made no difference in Rachel's treatment of her. She treated her the same as Athena.

Rachel frowned at her wife. Her face fell as her eyes began to water. "Is that your way of saying that your regret this?" She waved her hands between them.

"No." Quinn yelled. "I don't regret this journey I've taken with you. Sure we've had our ups and downs, but baby there is no one else that completes me like you do." She kissed Rachel's hair.

"I'm confused." Quinn understood what Rachel was feeling in that moment. She knew the woman inside and out, and that wasn't even because of all the journal entries she read.

She observed more about Rachel than she had previously thought. She assumed the reason that she paid so much attention because of Finn, but the truth was that she was a girl obsessed. Rachel was everything to her. Quinn silently pined for the small brunette, and hadn't even know it. In all honesty, she was realizing so much about herself in only a day than she had in the last almost sixteen years of her life.

"Rach, I never realized this until recently, but I think I understood why I was so upset that day that you told Finn about Avery's paternity." Rachel pulled back and took a seat with a raised eyebrow in Quinn's direction. "Well firstly I hated knowing that I had somehow disappointed you. And don't say you weren't disappointed at least a little, but part of you was also thrilled. You were happy to finally have an in with Finn. A part of my heart broke because you sold me out just to get with Finn."

The Broadway star fixed her eyes on her lap. She couldn't deny what Quinn had said because it was true. At the time, she did it for her own benefit, and hardly spared a thought for what it would cost her wife. She tended to be very shortsighted when it came to things she wanted. Her fathers always lectured her about thinking through the possible consequences of her actions because while she may not be the one hurt in the fall out, someone else very well could be.

Her shoulders fell and her back stiffened. "I wish I could take back hurting you as much as I did. I didn't think about it. And you became homeless because of Finn's callous actions. Again I'm sorry."

Quinn honestly didn't need Rachel's apology because she more of a reason to be sorry than her wife. She bullied her wife for years, and somehow Rachel managed to fall in love with her despite it all. "Don't." She held up her hand. "Rach, after all the mean shit I did to you, I'm surprised that the first time you ever struck back wasn't even to actually get back at me. You are such an amazing person, and you are way better than I am. I feel blessed just knowing you and knowing that you love me. You are a gift that keeps on giving. "

Rachel fanned her face as her cheeks began to heat up at the unexpected compliment. "I guess I've been rather silly recently. Huh?"

"I wouldn't say that. I think I understand your hesitance in regards to Puck. You're still jealous because of high school." Her wife bit her lip. "I get it you are insecure. But just so you know I feel that way about Finn and all those male fans of yours. Every time you have to kiss a man for a performance all I can think is how badly I want you in front of everyone else just to show them that you're mine."

 _November 15, 2018_

 _I visited Rachel onset today. It was hard for me to reign in my jealousy during every scene in which she had to kiss her costar. I don't know why my green eyed monster took control. It's hard to see anyone but me kissing her._

 _I realized that during high school especially during the Jesse debacle. It hurts me every time because deep down I know she could do better than me. That's not just what I believe, I know. She didn't have to saddle herself with a teen mother, but she did. She chose me above everyone else. She married me. She's the mother to my children, and still everyday she continues to love me._

 _But when I see her kiss other people, it reminds me again that she could walk away at any moment. I don't think I would stop her either because all I've ever wanted for her is to be happy. If she's happy with someone else, I would never take that away from her. I've taken so much. I don't want her to regret her life with me._

 _Even though she's acting on a stage or on a set, sometimes I find it so believable. I can hardly tell she's acting. It makes it even harder for me. Because I can see it. I can actually see how much better she is without me._

 _I love her so much that sometimes it is absolutely unbearable. I feel pain. I feel sorrow. I feel heartbreak._

 _I don't want to feel so much. But I do. And I don't want it to stop because the intensity of my feelings for her won't go away. They can't. They make me feel brave and strong. Her love for me makes me feel as if I am capable of anything. Without her support and unwavering devotion and love for me I have no idea where I would be. Would I have still kept Avery? I don't know. I don't want to think about all the possibilities. All I know is that in this reality, Rachel is mine. She is my everything. Her and our two daughters make my world go around._

 _If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. I did at one point when I stood back and watched her date Jesse. I admitted my feelings (to myself), but I couldn't act on them. I didn't want to do that to her. I was okay as long as she was happy. That's what love is. Giving the other person what they need even if it doesn't necessarily correspond with what you want._

 _I often don't know what Rachel wants. I can't say what's good for her even if I personally think I'm not. If she wants me then she has me (all of me.) I'm hers because life is too short for regrets and what ifs. All I can do is live in the now._

 _-Q_

Rachel brushed away her tears as she looked Quinn in the eye. "I guess I'm not as over high school and all that Puck crap as I would like to be. He was your first, and even if you didn't feel anything on your half, he did. He was in love or as close to love as someone like him could be. He wanted to be a family with you, and what if you had decided that was what you wanted. We would've never built this life we have now. You wouldn't want to know me at all." Quinn realized that deep down Rachel was still Rachel. A part of her would still be that insecure, insane, crazy, overly ambitious, cling girl from high school. "Giving your virginity to someone is a big deal. I get that you were inebriated, truly I understand, but you gave him the last of your innocence. Our child shares half of his DNA, how could I not compare myself to him?"

"I don't know." Quinn finally said. "I want to say that your fears are unfounded, but that would be belittling you. I don't want to do that. I don't want to patronize you because to you it makes perfect sense that I might choose Puck. What you don't comprehend is that I never had a single genuine feeling for him in my life." Rachel's mouth fell open. "I used him because I felt crappy about myself. I just wanted to feel something, anything." She slapped her hands on her thighs to emphasize her point. "I was drowning in my own unhappiness. I tried to live up to everyone's expectations of what I was supposed to be that I didn't even know who I was. I was a lost little girl. I displaced my own feelings on to you more than once. You were never ugly Rachel. I was the one who felt ugly on the inside and the outside."

Normally she wasn't able to be open. Her parents taught her the art of pretending and wearing a mask for all to see. If nothing was said aloud, then it never happened. That was her family's method for dealing with things they would rather not. "I wanted someone else to feel just like me. You were an easy target because you didn't have anyone to protect you, and I felt things for you that in my brainwashed Christian mind, I shouldn't have. All my life I was indoctrinated to believe that homosexuality was a sin, and yet I had sincere feelings for a Jewish girl. You can see where my dilemma was. Puck was a way to escape my life if only temporarily. It was never supposed to go as far as it did." She lowered her eyes in shame at the memory. She had acted foolishly. Even now she had no clue why she had allowed him to go so far or why she trusted him to take care of it.

"I wish I could say that I regretted it but I don't." Rachel's dark eyes snapped angrily to hers, but Quinn kept on before her wife could retort. "I don't because it led me to you and all of this." She gestured to the apartment and all that lay outside of it. "Puck means nothing to me. I wanted to be kind to him because of his own father. I needed for him to see with his own eyes that she was growing up with two parents who loved her and took care of her. But part of me also wanted for him to understand that it was too late for him to attempt to be an active parental figure in her life. He made his choices and we made ours. He can try to say we coerced him into signing, but we didn't. He chose of his own volition to give up his daughter. Avery is yours and mine." Her hazel eyes shone with sincerity and most of all love.

Rachel felt ashamed of not only her thoughts but her actions and words. She behaved no better than a child. But sometimes insecurity led to fits of irrationality. "I get it." She whispered hoarsely. Her throat burned slightly from all of the vomiting. "You just never said anything about it, and it made me wonder what else you were keeping from me. I didn't know if all of this was what you wanted or if –I was."

Quinn grasped Rachel's hands and kissed them. "Baby, I'm still just as attracted to you now than when I was fifteen. I love you more with each passing day." Quinn didn't mean here in the future, but back in the past. That was semantics though. "I know my life would be drastically different if we had never shared that kiss on New Year's. More than likely I would've given Avery up for adoption and probably named her Beth like Puck wanted. You made me believe in myself. What did Puck ever do for me except lie?" You, Rachel Barbra Fabray are my sun. You're the biggest and brightest star in my universe."

"We've both been rather foolish, huh?" Rachel chuckled. "I never considered your reasons before. But I get it now. You both have absentee fathers, and you wanted him to know that she was alright. You wanted him to have peace of mind. Life is too short to live with the regrets of your past, and somehow you understood how much he regretted in regards to his past actions." It was clicking into place for Rachel that it was never her wife's intention to actually hurt her, even though a direct result was how deeply wounded she was by Quinn's actions.

"Rach, you're the only person I've ever been in love with. You are the only person I ever want to be in love with. I'm sorry that what I did caused you pain. I can't live without you."

"And I can't live without you Quinn. I love you so much."

"Let's get showered and go home to our girls. We'll talk more later."

Rachel perked up immediately. It was such an un-Quinn thing to say, but Rachel wasn't going to ruin the moment. She loved those random moments where Quinn was open about everything. They were rare and she cherished them. "Okay then Mrs. Fabray, because I would really enjoy some make-up sex too." Quinn palmed her face, never once imagining how forward Rachel could be.

"We'll see." She teased.

* * *

 **AN- Thoughts?**


	9. Author's Note

So this is one of those infamous author's notes. I just want to address something briefly. Just because Rachel chose to forgive Quinn doesn't mean it is all settled. They still have a lot to discuss. Forgiving someone is not that same as forgetting what they've done. Also, I am currently on hiatus from all of my stories. I am writing when the mood strikes as I don't have the time to devote to writing.

My grandmother is healing nicely, but this last year has just been an extremely hard one. Things I never thought would happen in a million years happened. Life is fragile. Sorry for the little rant, but I want you to know I haven't forgotten this story or any of my others.


	10. Do You Hear What I Hear?

**AN- I know I've been pretty much MIA, but let me tell you this semester is seriously kicking my ass. Statistics was definitely not meant for everyone. Anyways onto the chapter.**

* * *

Rachel and Quinn held hands the entire ride home. Quinn never realized how many looks they shared, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that her and Rachel in high school had a lot of unresolved sexual tension. They tip toed around one another, but they refused to voice what it was that they were truly feeling for one another. They ignored it and pretended as if it wasn't there. It certainly explained some of their more lingering looks during performances in Glee.

Quinn recalled the last Glee meeting before winter break and how sad Rachel was. Just one look at the Jewish girl, and Quinn read her mood instantly. It was ironic truly because as much as Quinn tried to push the girl away, she only wanted her closer.

When she told her to back off Finn, she never understood that it wasn't because it was her boyfriend. It was because the idea of Rachel with anyone but her hurt too much to think about. But she knew she couldn't act on those feelings for many reasons. One of them being her parents, and the other was that she was pregnant teenager girl with no prospects in life. She had a child growing inside of her, and unfortunately that wouldn't endear her to a lot of parents. How would she even get out of Ohio if she kept her daughter?

Her pregnancy had given her a lot of time to do some self reflecting as she had read in her diary.

 _March 25, 2010_

 _Throughout the progression of my pregnancy, I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by all my past mistakes. It never occurred to me before how many people I've truly hurt. Rachel above all else, received the worst treatment from me. I don't know how she can honestly forgive for my past sins. I can barely forgive myself._

 _I've come to learn a lot of truths about myself during these last few months. For one, just because I've done awful things doesn't mean I am an awful person._

 _2\. My mistakes do not define who I am. It is what I do to rectify those mistakes that shows who I truly I am._

 _3\. Apologies go a long way. I still have a lot to learn about forgiveness. But a lot of it starts with forgiving myself._

 _4\. I am more than just my "looks". I am a person. My feelings are important. I have a lot more to offer than what my father told me._

 _5\. While the past is important it doesn't have a hold on me. I have to let it go in order to move forward with my life. This is the most important out of all of them. I keep trying not to be that girl I was my entire childhood, but I am her. I turned myself into the person that I never wanted to be. I thought this was what I wanted, but it isn't. I have to close this chapter though. I'm starting a new one. A one where the possibilities are endless. I no longer have to place limits on myself. I know who is here to support me._

 _Lastly, I have to get out of my own head. I keep telling myself that it'll never happen. That no one will ever want me for anything except my looks and (former) popularity. But maybe that is just what I told myself because I was too afraid of going after what it was I actually want. I don't know where my future will lead me, but I do know that I am not going to hold myself back any longer._

 _I've got my mom back. We are working on it though. I can't just go running back to her. I need to know she's really here for me this time._

 _I have to trust that everything will work out in the end. It'll be hard, but I owe it to myself to try._

 _-Q_

"Do you remember the Glee meeting we had before Christmas break sophomore year?" While it was just a few days ago for Quinn, it probably seemed way longer to Rachel if the thoughtful frown on her face was anything to go by.

Her eyes crinkled slightly before a smile appeared on her beautiful face. "You were acting strange that day. I couldn't figure out why you were talking to me. You had made it very clear that we were not friends, nor would we ever be." The corners of her lips turned down. "My crush was slowly fading until you reignited the flames that day. You made me feel hopeful about the prospects of anything between us. You said my name."

And so she had. She normally stopped herself from referring to Rachel as anything other than Berry. She had stopped with the demeaning nicknames, and just preferred using the girl's surname. "I hadn't thought about it at the time. It slipped out."

"I thought you had come to bust me."

Quinn furrowed her brow in confusion. "For?"

Rachel cleared her throat as she shifted her position. "Uh… well, I am not sure if you remember what I was doing…" she trailed off uncomfortably. It endeared her even more to Quinn.

"I think you were doodling some initials." And then it clicked why Rachel was uncomfortable.

Rachel ducked her head, but Quinn saw her furiously blush at least two shades darker. "It's okay babe. I like your choice way better. But that actually wasn't what I wanted to bring up."

"Oh?" Rachel perked up. This seemed to change her disposition entirely. She was quite curious about Quinn's thoughts on that day.

Quinn kissed the side of Rachel's head. "I remember seeing your sad face and wanting to punch everyone else for excluding you. I know that most of us aside from you and Puck celebrated Christmas, but we could've put some effort into celebrating your traditions as well as our own. It wasn't right that you had to sit out because you didn't feel as if you had a right to participate with the rest of us. I hated how everyone ignored you. You were literally the heart and soul of our little ragtag group. You made everyone want to be better just by seeing how amazing you were. Everyone was jealous as evidenced by the way we treated you."

Rachel buried her face in Quinn's shoulder. It was still often hard to think about how her peers treated her. She was in a much better place now, but once upon a time she didn't have a single friend in the world. She had her dads and the rest of her family. No one wanted to be friends with the girl with the two days. "I never realized you put so much thought into it. I was used to it by then." She admitted with a quiver in her voice. Tears were threatening to fall, which she didn't want.

"I tend to overly think about things. But recently I've done a lot of thinking, and I want to arrange a meeting between us and Puck. We will present ourselves as Avery's only parental units. We will take care of the situation as a team instead of me hiding things from you." She just about melted at the look of awe on Rachel's face.

Quinn had a pretty good idea why her wife was making that face too. It was true that Quinn tended to be independent as a result of the way her parents' raised her, which is ironic considering her father wanted her to become a woman dependent upon her husband for support. However, her life didn't go in the direction he planned out for her.

 _February 28, 2017_

 _Today is my 23_ _rd_ _birthday. The strangest events have occurred today that I never would have in million years thought could occur. My dad and I actually talked for the first time in over seven years._

 _I hadn't spoken to him since he kicked me out. I refused to attend the divorce proceedings, and he signed away custody of me anyways so there was no need for custody hearing. I had long ago accepted that my father wasn't the man I always assumed him to be. He wasn't my hero anymore. He was a self-satisfying douche who only cared about his own interests. He was a pretentious prick and we were better off without him._

 _It was a complete accident running into him. We happened to be in line at the Lima Bean at the same time. As a result of being with Rachel for so long, I no longer believe in coincidences. I strongly believe in fate. Things don't happen by chance, and my dad and I being there at the same time was meant to be. Maybe it was to provide closure, or the possibility of something new, I have no idea._

 _At first, I don't think he realized it was me in front of him. My hair isn't as light as it once was. And I am not a child anymore. I'm 23, and the last time he saw me, I was a stupid 15 year old. I will never forget that night as it has helped shaped me into the person I am now. My rose tinted glasses were gone. My view of the world changed the moment he told me I was no longer his daughter. He said I wasn't the girl he raised and he told me to get out of his house. Few words have ever hurt as much as that. As Quinn, I had never faced rejection._

 _It was when I stepped to give my order that I think he figured it out. I heard the shuffling of feet and a throat clearing behind me. I ignored it thinking that someone was becoming impatient. It wasn't as if I was the only person I was ordering for. I had to get Rachel's order (very specific by the way, although she still isn't allowed any caffeine). Then I had to order hot chocolate for Avery._

 _I went to pay when my hand was brushed aside. I bristled angrily because I assumed it was some rude customer who couldn't wait their turn. However, when I turned around it was my dad. He looked about the same. There were a few more grey hairs and wrinkles, but aside from that he was relatively unchanged. I gaped openly at him because what else was I supposed to do. He ignored my reaction and paid for my order while I was still in shock. He then order his own and then gently guided me by the arm to a table._

 _I sat speechless. It was not was I expecting. Worse than that though was that I had a whole slew of words prepared for the next time I saw him, if ever. I wasn't exactly planning it, but if the opportunity ever arose, I knew what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him how it made me feel what he did. He was a hypocrite._

" _You look good." He commented, seeming to understand that I wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk about anything of substance. "Happy birthday."_

 _I choked on air. In all of the craziness of the minutes before, my birthday slipped my mind. "You remembered?" I asked in a small voice. It wasn't the reaction I was going for._

 _He fixed me with a look. "I was there at your birth Quinn. I remember the moment you came screaming out of your mother. You knew even then what you wanted." I bit back a smile. "Twenty-three years," he whistled as it hit him. It is a longtime. "How are you?" And then winced. We were like creatures._

 _I held back a sarcastic retort. While he certainly failed me when I needed him most, I remembered what Rachel constantly tells me. I need to be a bigger person. Someone being awful to me doesn't give me the justification. My father wronged me, but looking at him, I could see that it took a heavier toll on him than it did on me. His deep blue eyes were somber, and there was a loneliness to him._

" _I'm good." I said after I assessed the situation a bit more. "My life is good."_

 _He nodded. His eyes raked over my face hungrily. I guess I always assumed that he didn't miss me, nor regret his decision to kick me out. But having Avery has caused me to think that it was probably the hardest thing he has ever done. He's prideful like I am, and he isn't one to forgive. It is hard for him to admit he is wrong, just like it is for me._

" _I saw in the paper you got married." I was quite impressed that he refrained from saying something homophobic. Mom put an engagement and wedding announcement in the paper, despite the fact that neither occurred in Lima. She was just excited and wanted everyone to know._

" _Yes." I answered simply._

 _His eyes darted up to my own and then back down. "I'm proud of you." I quirked a brow. "I know what I said. But you managed to be something. You graduated from Yale last year. You're raising a child and you've managed to get married. You've done well for yourself without any help from me."_

" _You taught me about hard work. You said that if I really wanted something in life that I needed to put in real work to achieve it. While I despised your guts, I also wanted to show you that I could still be something. My life didn't end because I made a mistake. The act itself was a mistake, but my daughter never was."_

 _My order was called and I got up. His hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. He slipped a piece of paper in my pocket and murmured a quick goodbye. It turns out he gave me his number. He's put all the cards in my hands. I'm not sure what I'll do, but at least I know he won't try to contact me. He knows that I don't have to forgive him, and I think he's okay with that. It is all very strange to me. He was a different man than the one I remembered from my childhood._

 _-Q_

"Thank you Quinn." Rachel finally said. "It's all I really wanted. I just want you to let me in, but I never wanted to force it. You are entitled to your privacy, and it's not as if I've never withheld something from you. But I want you to know that I would never make a decision about our children without discussing it with you." Quinn knew it wasn't meant to be a dig at her. It was meant to reassure her that they were a team.

The blonde woman didn't quite know when she began to understand Rachel Berry or Fabray as she was called now. Maybe she always had, but now she finally felt comfortable enough.

Quinn intertwined her fingers with Rachel's smaller ones. She loved the way their hands easily slid together as if they were always meant to complete each other. "We are a united front. I understand his position, but we all made our choices a longtime ago. Puck chose to sign away his rights to Avery. He didn't protest the adoption. He hasn't made an attempt to see her until a few months ago. I think that we should let the decision be hers when she's eighteen."

Rachel squeezed her wife's hand. "We can keep him updated, but I agree that he should not be an active participant. It would only confuse her at this point. She's already told me she doesn't want anything to do with him." Rachel sighed. It was a complicated situation, but in the end they had to do what was right for their daughter.

It wasn't purely Quinn's decision to make. She should never have excluded Rachel from the decision making. While she understood her frame of mind, she knew why it was wrong. Though she desired to protect Rachel from anything that could possibly hurt her, keeping things from her hurt just as much if not more. Sometimes people hurt people even when they have the best intentions.

"Honestly, I wish I had discussed it with you first. I guess I still have this image of you in high school constantly getting your heart broken, and I want to prevent that from happening again. I knew if I had mentioned Puck, you would've been devastated. But I need to stop viewing you like that. I have to be considerate of your feelings as you are as involved as I am. You've been Avery's mother from day one, and it was wrong of me to deprive you of being her mother."

"I missed you." Rachel whispered softly.

* * *

 **Thoughts?**


	11. O Holy Night

**AN- This story will be finished this month. As cliche as it is, it was always my intention to finish it in December.**

* * *

Quinn could not believe she never saw it before her little journey through time. Maybe it was how she was raised, or maybe she wanted to ignore it because she was aware something was there all along.

The blonde could not deny that the first time she saw Rachel on their first day of high school that her heart fluttered a tiny bit at the sight of a tiny brunette. Rachel looked tinier then, and it did not help she had this adorably confused puppy dog look on her face. Her map was held up in front of her face, making it more than obvious that she was a freshman.

Quinn leaned against the living room wall with her arms crossed over her chest. She watched as her family- _she loved the sound of that_ \- decorated their Christmas tree. Rachel's face lit up with happiness every single time a new ornament was unwrapped. Each one had special meaning as Quinn quickly gathered by the amount of tears she had seen the brunette she in the last twenty minutes.

"Look Ave, this is your first Christmas ornament." Rachel held up a pink shoe with Avery Sophia printed on it. Avery crawled over to her mother and gingerly touched it. "I remember that daddy gave it to you. He was already your pops by then. He wanted to give you something special since you were his first grandchild." She kissed Avery's head. "He loved you so much."

 _January 15_ _th_ _, 2020_

 _Today we buried Leroy. Rachel hasn't talked much since we received the phone call. She was prepared, but I don't think it fully hit her that her daddy was dying from cancer. Mostly she never addressed. It might be that for her, if it isn't in front of you, it can't exist._

 _Before me and our children, there were literally the only two people who constantly supported her. Her fathers were everything until the Glee club. They were her best friends for much of her life, and the very idea that she would be losing one of them was not something she could actually believe. She's visited often with the girls. I've only been able to go a few times because of my latest movie._

 _I can barely believe it myself even though I witness them lowering his coffin into the ground. I watched them seal it with his body, but yet I still don't fully understand it. He and Hiram were the first people to fully embrace me, to accept me as I am, faults and all. They always treated Avery like their granddaughter. They spoiled her and Athena with love and gifts._

 _Athena will barely have memories of him when she's older. I wish that weren't the case, but it is. I'll forever be thankful to him for many reasons, but I'll keep them to myself._

 _It's hard to see Rachel so completely devastated. She just lays in bed and cries. She hasn't sung in a week now, and I can count on my hands the number of times she's spoken. Her eyes hold emptiness, and it is difficult to see her like this. Her eyes should be sparkling with happiness and hope, but now, they are red and puffy. They constantly brim with tears, and she hadn't showered until this morning. I made all of the arrangements for us to come back to Lima. I didn't want her to have to be faced with it._

 _I don't know how to help her as hard as it is for me to admit._

 _-Q_

This was the second Christmas without Rachel's other father. "He wanted you to know that just because there wasn't any shared blood between us that he still considered you very much his. Daddy may not have been biologically related to me, but blood doesn't make a family."

"Love does." Athena shouted. Rachel and Quinn exchanged smiles at that. "Can Pops see us from where he is?" Quinn watched as her wife squeezed their daughter's hand.

A few tears fell down Rachel's cheeks. "I like to think so."

"I remember when he and grandpa taught me how to make Latkes and pancakes. They kept arguing about which was better. We made a huge mess in the kitchen." Avery's lip turned up into a sad smile. Her eyes held a certain heaviness, but there was a tiny ray in her hazel orbs. Avery took the ornament from her mother and hung it on a branch.

Several more stories were shared as each ornament was plucked from boxes. Quinn listened intently because this would one day be her life. This would be her life, and the two girls in front of her would be her children. She didn't know someone could be so lucky.

She hung the last one herself. "It was meant to be a joke." Rachel explained to the girls. "Santana thought it would be hilarious if we had our own ornament because we acted like a married couple. We were raising Avery together, and we lived together. We finished each other's sentences and knew all kinds of weird things about one another. She decided to get a custom made ornament of two brides, a blonde and a brunette and then dubbed us Faberry."

Quinn choked out a laugh. It would be Santana that would do something meaningful and that mocked them all in one. "She always had her own sense of humor." Quinn muttered.

"I took it in stride. Before that I wasn't exactly sure how your Aunt felt about me, but I knew then." Quinn ducked her head guiltily. Memories of all the times she teased and taunted her wife flooded her brain. It baffled her completely that Rachel didn't hate her.

They spent the night decorating the house and hanging stockings. Things Quinn never experienced in her own youth as her parents hired a professional decorator to do it. Their house was stuffy and decorated for uptight, rich people. There weren't ornaments with awesome stories or handmade ones. Her parents kept those in a box in the attic.

She assumed when she was younger that she would be like her parents. It wasn't something that gave her a warm, fuzzy feeling, but it was all she knew. Now she knew differently. She forged her own path and made her own family. Maybe not the way she pictured when she convinced Finn he was the father or when she had sex with Puck, it was way better. It was the wish she never thought would come true. She had stopped wishing for it a long time ago.

All it took, she supposed was some extra encouragement. Life only stayed the same if you did nothing to change it. She spent the first few months of her pregnancy refusing to accept blame for her actions, but she was as responsible for what happened as was Puck. She should've never invited him over, and he should've used a condom. But as she experienced this life, she couldn't bring herself to regret the resulting pregnancy.

She found earlier that day an undated entry at the back of her completed journal from 2009-2010.

 _I wondered why it happened. I kept thinking it was only a dream, but even I can't predict things would turn out as wonderfully as they have. Maybe it was self-determination, I don't know._

 _All I do know is that something happened to me that gave me a new perspective on my life. I never knew my life could change in such amazing ways, but it has. Every day I thank God for the gift that he gave me. Without_ _her_ _, I don't think my life would be like this. She loves so purely and honestly that it inspires me. I'll make sure our life is exactly how I dreamed it._

Quinn wasn't exactly sure what all of that meant, but she knew that her future self was talking about Rachel. It seemed as if all roads connected back to the brown-haired diva.

And as she slipped her arms around Rachel that night in bed, she thought of only her family. Her future wasn't ruined. It was only just starting. Her dad was wrong.

 _JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSw_

Her eyes clenched tightly as consciousness started to hit her. She could make out the sounds of a faint beeping. There were hushed voices in the background. It sounded like an argument.

 _Where was she? What happened? Who was arguing?_

Her eyes fluttered softly, but closed as the bright lights hit them. They were a harsh shock to the system.

"Quinn?" A voice softly inquired.

The blonde knew that voice. "Rachel." A sleepy smile formed. The beeping noise sounded again. She frowned thoughtfully. Her eyes still refused to open. "What's that sound?"

"Do you remember what happened?"

 _What was the last thing she remembered?_

* * *

 **AN- Any theories y'all want to share?**


	12. Auld Lang Syne

**AN- Can you believe I'm updating less than a day later? Well on to the story.**

* * *

Quinn grunted as she shifted slightly on the uncomfortable hospital bed. As soon as she opened her eyes, she knew that she was in the hospital.

"What happened?" She groaned as her eyes adjusted to the bright lights.

Rachel shared a look with a Puck. "Uh well, do you remember going to Glee earlier?"

The blonde scrunched her face up as she tried to recall earlier events. She remembered watching Rachel in class, and then getting in her car and driving. "I was driving. It was snowing hard."

Brown eyes sparkled. "Correct. I guess the snow caused the roads to become too slippery. You swerved and hit a tree. Luckily, it seems your car took the brunt of the hit." Tears streamed down Rachel's face, puzzling Quinn. If she was fine, why was the other girl crying.

"Baby?" The blonde stiffened as the term of endearment slipped past her lips. She hadn't meant to say that, and she wasn't sure where it came from either. She barely liked Rachel.

It seemed as if luck was on her side because Rachel misinterpreted her words. "Oh, your baby is fine Quinn. I called an ambulance and Noah as soon as I discovered your car. It must've been fate that my fathers and I were running late. We followed the ambulance back to the hospital and waited."

The blonde sighed in relief. Her hands came to cup her stomach where unborn daughter rested. She barely took notice of Puck standing in the room. "Thank you." She breathed out. Her voice was huskier than normal. Rachel brought out the weirdest reactions in her.

"'Tis nothing. I would want someone to do the same for me if I were to ever be involved in an accident." Brown eyes flickered down to a watch. Quinn watched with slight amusement as they widened more than usual. "My profuse apologies Quinn, but my fathers and I must be going. We have a previous engagement that we cannot get out of." She grimaced. The blonde wasn't sure if it was because she did not want to leave or her desire to not attend the event. "In any case, I'll see you at the New Year's Eve party. Happy holidays." She whispered as she carefully wrapped her arms around Quinn.

Although surprised, she didn't remain that way for long. Her arms wrapped hesitantly around the brunette's back, and she inhaled the soft scent of vanilla that surrounded the other girl.

"Happy holidays Rachel." She murmured softly.

Rachel gasped in shock. "Uh… yes…" she coughed. "Thank you. Better go." She scurried out of the room like a bat out of hell."

Quinn couldn't help the giggle that escaped her after seeing Rachel lose her composure. While she was normally insane with her inability to sit still, it never failed to amuse her when the brunette was literally speech. Anyone who knew Rachel knew that she never failed to lose her words, but Quinn had successfully managed to make her forget the English language.

Puck made his presence known by coughing slightly to gain her attention. Her gaze briefly flickered over to him before she redirected it the ceiling. If there was one person she did not want to see it was him. She couldn't remember the details of her dream per say, but she knew to be cautious around him.

He shuffled forward with his hands buried in his pockets. "So, the doctor said that everything checks out. They are gong to keep you overnight for observation and then you can be released in the morning." She hummed disinterestedly. "The baby is fine."

"Thanks for informing me." She told him coldly. She still could not reconcile with him. His actions had cost her a lot. If he had used a condom in the first place, this would be a non-issue. She knew that she should not have consumed as many wine coolers as she did. The whole situation could have been prevented. If Puck were a better man, he would've never lusted after his best friend's girl. He would not have come over that day. He wouldn't have plied her with alcohol until she completely lost her inhibitions. And most of all, he wouldn't have been greedy enough to steal her virginity.

While she knew that she was responsible for her actions that day, she had paid more than her fair share of comeuppance. She lost her home, her family, her body, her popularity, etc. She was bullied. It was quite rich. Had she not been such a bitch to the general student population, she would not have as much a target on her back. She also hurt someone who didn't deserve it. She made Finn believe he was going to be a father when he wasn't. She was going to burden him with something that wasn't his to bear.

He scowled angrily at her and slapped the wall. "Why are you behaving this way? I thought we were together."

She scoffed at the very idea of him attempting to be monogamous. "You don't know what it means to be in a relationship. You don't love me. You know nothing about me. You're in love with a fantasy. I certainly don't love you, and I only care for you as the father of my daughter. But mostly I am indifferent to you at this point. All you do is take, you never ask."

His mouth open and closed several times. "You never gave me the opportunity to try. You blew me off every chance you had."

"I never wanted you. I used you because I felt shitty about myself that day. I'm not attracted by you. All I remember is how much it hurt, and crying for hours afterwards because I gave you my virginity." The conversation was making her irritable. He wasn't understanding what it was she was saying to him.

She growled, literally growled at him because he had that stupid look Finn often wore. "Puck, what I am saying is that I don't want you. I don't love you. I can barely tolerate you. All you've done the last few months is make my life harder. If you truly wanted to be her father, you would've told Finn the truth. You would've claimed your child, but instead you allowed me to let him believe that she was his. You talk about not wanting to be a deadbeat like your father, yet you refused to admit to your best friend that you knocked up his girlfriend. Grow the fuck up. I would like you to leave now. I'll have someone drop me off tomorrow when I am discharged."

He stormed angrily out of the room. Quinn wasn't bothered in the slightest by his tantrum. He was an overgrown child. He constantly wanted what he couldn't have. She had no delusions about him. One of the main reasons he went after her was because she was dating Finn and she was unattainable. It was all about the chase for him.

 _~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~_

She remained holed up in the basement for most of their winter break. She didn't mind his younger sister as she was the nicest one to her.

Puck glared at her every time she entered a room. He refused to be anything but angry with her because he refused to acknowledge his own immaturity. He wanted to be a father, but he couldn't even find a proper job. Everything he did annoyed the hell out of her.

His sister, Avia was kind. She was sweet and talked to the baby often. She was only eight, so she did not quite understand the mechanics of how there got to be a baby in Quinn's stomach. The blonde wasn't about to explain it all to her either. It wasn't her place, and she felt it was a conversation better had with the girl's mother.

"Quinn, how come you don't like Noah?" The girl's eyebrows furrowed.

The older girl sighed as she took in the confused face of the little girl. It truly baffled the child how someone couldn't like her brother. "Do you remember how you told me about that boy Bobby in your class who liked you but you didn't like him?" Avia bobbed her head, her curly pigtails swinging. "Well he gives you gifts and tries to hold your hand, and for me that's your brother. I don't like him, but he wants me too."

Understanding dawned on the young girl's face. Her expression brightened immediately. "Is there someone you do like?" She was inquisitive like another curly haired child.

Quinn swallowed. She didn't want to lie, but it was still difficult for her to admit this out loud. "Yes." She answered in the affirmative.

"Who is it? Do I know them?" The little girl leaned forward on her knees excitedly.

"I- uh- well…. we'll leave that discussion for another time." Avia pouted sadly, but let it go. She never pried too much into Quinn's privacy.

Avia reverently rubbed the baby bump. "Are you going to name her?" It was a question the teen kept asking herself. If she named her, she would become attached. But a part of her wanted to be attached. In the recesses of her brain, she knew her unborn daughter already had a name. Her daughter would resemble her, but her hair would be slightly darker. She would have wild, untamable curly hair.

"I don't know yet Avia. I don't know if I'll keep her."

The little girl sucked in her bottom lip. "What would you do with her then?"

A sigh fell from the blonde's lips at having to explain to an eight year old how adoption worked. "I would give her to another family. She wouldn't know any of us. I wouldn't be her mother anymore, and Pu- Noah wouldn't be her father."

"So I won't be an aunt?" Avia was unable to hide how crestfallen she was. Quinn preferred the naturalness of the girl's emotions compared to her own controlled ones. "Well maybe if you pick a name, you can always keep a part of her, and she could have a part of you. My dad picked my name."

Avia was certainly wise beyond her years. Quinn honestly had no idea how the girl and her brother could come from the same gene pool. They were completely different from one another. The little girl brought home straight A's, and never got into any kind of trouble. Her brother was barely passing his sophomore year of high school, and was in the principal's office every other week.

The blonde knew that when she had kids that they would both be smart. While they wouldn't necessarily share all the same hobbies, they loved one another unconditionally. They both would share personality quirks. She wrinkled her brow, unsure as to why she was thinking so far into the future. _Where did that come from?_

"Good night Quinn. Good night baby." Avia waved to her before departing for upstairs.

Quinn burrowed into her blankets for warmth. The house was in an older subdivision, and the basement did not have any heat. Her eyes fluttered shut minutes later as her exhaustion overcame her.

 _She wandered through the hallway in search of something. She knew exactly where to go. She opened the door, and listened for it._

 _It was the sound of giggles, two unique sets of giggles. They only got louder as she got closer. Finally, she pulled open the closet door, and there they were, her two little monster children._

 _Her four year old jumped at her with enthusiasm. Quinn barely caught her in time and stumbled slight in an effort to keep them upright. The girl's hair was in two braids and she was still in her snowflake pajamas. The mother placed several kisses in her daughter's hair as she held her closely. The little girl smelled like strawberries. "Mama requires a certain four year old in the bathroom." Those pouty pink lips poked out as the small girl tried to get sympathy from her mother. "Nice try, but mama would have my hide if I let you out of your bath." She set the girl back on the floor and sent her on her way with a gentle pat._

 _She turned to face her other daughter with a shake of her head. The older girl should've known better than to help her sister to hide from their mother. It was time to start the day, and there wasn't to be any delays. "Mama says you need to get in the shower as well."_

 _The girl rolled her eyes. "But why?" She whined. Quinn winced at the pitch. Both of her daughters were like their mother when they weren't getting their way. Their voices were high pitched and loud. While Quinn found it endearing at times, it didn't stop it from occasionally being annoying. Her daughters loved to rant and rave at the injustice of it all, and it never failed to make the blonde smile. They were spending way too much time listening to their mother._

" _Because I said so." Quinn couldn't believe she actually used that line. It was one her own mother used on her when she was younger._

 _The blonde rolled her eyes, crossed her arms, and then stormed out of the room with an added slamming of the door. She heard her wife screeching at their daughter in the hallway. "How many times have I told you not to slam doors? Do you want me to ground you?"_

" _Why are you guys so unfair?" It sucked having a preteen in the house. The attitude never stopped. She went from being a child one day with her mini tantrums to suddenly directing tons of sass at her mothers. "You guys are ruining my life."_

 _Quinn listened as her wife lectured their daughter. "You don't know anything about life ruining. Stop being dramatic, and get your butt in that shower. If you aren't done by the time your sister is out of the bath, I won't hesitate to pull you over my lap." Quinn smirked at the silence that followed. "Now go."_

 _The blonde loved that she was able to be firm with their children, whilst also showing them unconditional love. Quinn learned from the mistakes her father that just because your kids screw up, you don't stop loving them. Kids inevitably made mistakes like adults. It was the job of parents to help their children when they eventually messed up. Quinn knew her wife would hesitate to punish their children, and she would be the one that ended up punishing them. It didn't bother her though. She understood her wife's hesitance._

 _She exited the room when she paused outside her youngest daughter's bathroom. She heard the girl and her wife talking. "Mama, sing please." She heard the pout in her daughter's voice._

 _Her wife chuckled. "Okay honey. I'll sing one of my favorite lullabies for you."_

 _Deep in the meadow_

 _Under the willow_

 _A bed of grass_

 _A soft green pillow_

 _Lay down your head_

 _And close your eyes_

 _And when they open_

 _The sun will rise_

 _Here it's safe_

 _Here it's warm_

 _Here the daisies guard_

 _You from every harm_

 _And here your dreams are sweet_

 _And tomorrow brings them true_

 _Here is the place where I love you_

 _Deep in the meadow_

 _Hidden far away_

 _A cloak of leaves_

 _A moonbeam ray_

 _Forget your woes_

 _And let your troubles lay_

 _And when again it's morning_

 _They'll wash away_

 _Here it's safe_

 _Here it's warm_

 _Here the daisies guard_

 _You from every harm_

 _And here your dreams are sweet_

 _And tomorrow brings them true_

 _Here is the place where I love you_

 _Badadadada..._

 _Here is the place where I love you_

 _Deep in the meadow_

 _Hidden far away_

 _A cloak of leaves_

 _A moonbeam ray_

 _Forget your woes_

 _And let your troubles lay_

 _And when again it's morning_

 _They'll wash away_

 _Here it's safe_

 _Here it's warm_

 _Here the daisies guard_

 _You from every harm_

 _And here your dreams are sweet_

 _And tomorrow brings them true_

 _Here is the place where I love you_

 _Quinn slumped against the bathroom door as she listened to her wife sing only for their daughter. She wasn't some glamorous star in that moment, she was a mother singing to her child. Her voice was soft and loving. It held none of its usual bravado._

" _I like when your just my mama. It's nice to not share you. On the stage, you have a nice voice, but I like when you sing us to sleep." There was a little splash._

" _Me too." Quinn knew her wife was choked up with tears. "I love you, your sister, and your mommy more than anything."_

" _Me too, but don't tell Avery that."_

" _I pinky promise I won't."_

Hazel eyes snapped open. The dream was more vivid that her usual ones. It was like a memory more than anything. She could feel the soft warm weight of the little girl in her arms. Her nose remembered the soft scent of strawberries.

Most of all, it was the voice of her wife that she remembered. She would know that voice anywhere. It was different though. It was mature unlike its youthful counterpart.

She didn't know what the dream meant, but it had a purpose. She knew she shouldn't be scared to go after what she wanted. If she wanted Rachel, she would do everything in her power to make sure that the girl eventually became hers. One day she would make that dream come true because she couldn't imagine a life where her and Rachel weren't together.

 _~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~_

When she arrived back at Puck's house the next day, she didn't bother greeting him. She knew he was still angry about her words the previous night, but she honestly could care less. She meant everything she told him. A real father would've claimed his child despite the mother's wishes. Puck wasn't ready to be a father. Most of his wanting to raise the child growing inside of her was because of his own daddy issues.

She pulled her journal from underneath her pillow and wrote a new entry. She wrote about the dream, the feelings she had for Rachel, everything. She refused to lie to herself any longer by denying that there wasn't something between the two. There most definitely was.

 _~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~_

She rode in the back of Santana's car. Santana merely raised an inquiring eyebrow when she arrived at the Puckerman residence. She was confused about why Quinn needed a ride, but one look at the girl's face and she made some joke about the blonde being fat.

Quinn ignored it because she knew it was harmless. She slid into the backseat because Brittany occupied the front. How the two of them thought they were hiding their relationship was beyond her. Everyone could see how much they loved one another, but she knew one day her best friend wouldn't be afraid to finally admit to everyone that she was in love with the bubbly and sometimes eccentric blonde. She refused to admit she was somewhat jealous of the two especially when they held hands over the console.

The party was being held at Kurt's house. His dad offered up the house as he had plans of his own. The only stipulation was that no one was allowed to leave the party if they were drunk.

It was around midnight that she glanced around the room at the bright and happy faces of her teammates. Kurt's face was flushed a light shade of pink. Santana and Brittany were making out on the couch, and their lips had barely left one another's since they arrived.

Matt and Mike were conversing about something in the corner. She didn't know what because she wasn't that friendly with either of the. Finn kept pouting at the stairs as Rachel exited a few minutes previous from some air. Mercedes and Tina were singing loudly to whatever performer was currently singing in Times Square, quite off pitch not that it seemed to matter. Puck glowered at her from the opposite end of the room, but she ignored it. She was done playing these games with the boy. It was her turn to be happy.

She excused herself as the countdown began, not that anyone was listening. They were all too excited that the New Year was about to start.

She found Rachel in the backyard hyperventilating. "Rachel?" She questioned hesitantly. She didn't want to startle the girl.

Rachel jumped and spun around. Her eyes widened in surprise. "Q-Quinn what are you doing out here?"

"I came to check on you since no one else was. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I was just having a slight panic attack in there. I needed to leave the room to focus on my breathing and use some of the coping techniques my therapist taught me. You didn't have to check on me." Quinn was hurt. "Not that I don't appreciate it." Rachel amended upon realizing she had insulted the other girl.

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 **HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

It was shouted from all over the neighborhood. And Quinn didn't know why she did it, but she stepped closer to other girl until she was right in front of her. Her hands came to cup the smaller girl's face and she gently pressed her lips to Rachel's soft, plump ones. It was unlike anything she ever experienced in her entire life. Kissing boys always seemed like a chore, but with Rachel it was like sparks everywhere.

It was chaste, and didn't last longer than ten seconds. But it made her feel something. She spent most of her life feeling nothing, but that kiss made her feel everything. She never knew it could be like that. A rush of happiness flooded through her at the feel of Rachel's lips on her own.

She didn't expect the other girl to participate in the kiss, but towards the end Rachel's moved in sync with her own. When they pulled apart, Rachel was breathing heavily and her eyes were heavy lidded. Her cheeks were flushed. "Uh… yeah…" her phone buzzed and then she left. She heard the slamming of a car door.

"Wow," she murmured as she lifted her fingers to her lips. She swore she could still feel the other girl's lips. _Who knew that Rachel was such an amazing kisser? She is quite passionate about everything._ She reason with a tilt of her head.

Quinn went back into the house where everyone was still partying. "Can you believe another decade has passed?" Kurt asked Mercedes. "I wonder what the fashion will be like."

Finn stormed angrily over to her when he noticed her return. "Where's Rachel?" He demanded.

Quinn scoffed at the taller boy. "Back the hell off." Finn only stepped closer when she attempted to push past.

"What did you do to her?"

The blonde smirked, thinking of what happened upstairs not even ten minutes ago. "I didn't do anything she didn't want." She replied. "She left, probably because of your constantly annoying her. Why don't you leave her alone?" The teen suggested because everyone was tired of Finn making puppy dog faces at Rachel.

"She wants me." She wasn't the only one who scoffed at that. Santana had joined the argument.

She cackled maniacally at the self absorbedness the boy was displaying. "Finnocence, no one wants you. Quinn didn't want you. Rachel finally sees what everyone else sees, and you've got some nerve. You only want her now that she wants nothing to do with you. Besides, you can't even hold an erection."

There were snorts and giggles at that proclamation. Finn glared murderously at the Latina. "At least I'm not the school slut." Quinn grabbed Santana's arm before she advanced any further on Finn. They did not need to call an ambulance on one of the craziest nights of the year.

"Let me kick his balls. He'll never have kids even if he manages to last longer than ten seconds." Finn placed his hands protectively over his private area.

"Just let it go. He's not worth it."

Santana shot him a dirty look before grabbing Brittany's hand and leaving. The party mood seemed to have dissipated, and Quinn grabbed her coat and followed. She didn't want to deal with Finn's pettiness or Puck's immaturity.

She had a lot to think about. One thing she knew for sure was that this year was going to change everything.

* * *

 **AN- There's 2-3 more chapters left, and maybe some outtakes. For the time being, Quinn doesn't know what to think about her experience so she's writing it off as a dream because her mind can't fully process it.**


	13. The Christmas Song

**AN- So here's what happened after past Quinn left. I'll put the confrontation with Puck in a different chapter.**

* * *

Outside there was a rather picturesque scene of a snowy landscape. Snow continued to fall to the ground into powdery heaps. It covered the branches of the trees and the tops of bushes. It was everywhere.

A thin layer of frost covered the windows of the family home in Montauk. The waves from the ocean crashed against the shore. It was truly a beautiful sight, not that anyone residing in the house saw it.

Every single member of the family was fast asleep in their bed. Two women were entangled with one another with content smiles on their dreaming faces. A young girl with messy blonde girls was sprawled out across her bed like a starfish. Her younger sister was tucked into her bed and appeared to have barely moved a centimeter in her sleep.

It did not stay quiet for long as a sleepy brunette with big, brown eyes like her mother popped up in her bed. She glanced around her bedroom and then a huge smile formed on her face. "IT'S CHRISTMAS!" She squealed loudly causing her sister to fall out of bed in the next room. Her mothers groaned tiredly and rolled back over.

The little girl pushed her blankets aside and climbed out of bed. Small feet padded down the hallway to her sister's room. A blonde grumbled as her sister shook her impatiently. "Ugh," she whined as she shoved her sister away from her. "I'm awake. God." It was bad enough that her sister decided to practically scream it was Christmas, but then she had to come in her room and bother her on top of that.

She followed her sister to her mothers' room. Not that she was awake, she wanted to open presents. The door opened with a slam causing both mothers to wince at the sound. They weren't sure how many times they would have to reprimand their daughters for that. They remained still and continued to pretend they were sleeping. It was tradition after all.

Two children positioned themselves on each side of the bed. The oldest held up three fingers. She mouthed to her younger sister, three- two- one. They pounced at the same time their mothers caught them in their arms, thwarting their attempt. It dissolved into a tickle war.

"Uncle, Uncle… I give." The two girls cried out in laughter at their mothers' assault on them.

The two mothers shared a triumphant smile. "I guess it is time for breakfast now." Pouts immediately formed on the two daughters faces because they didn't want breakfast. They wanted to open their presents.

The blonde mother's lips twitched in amusement as she watched her wife mess with their children. Once upon a time, she never imagined such a life for herself. She thought she would be married to some man and have his 2.5 kids and a white pick fence in Ohio. But this was better than she could have pictured.

It was only a day ago when she woke up that the dream she had all those years ago. Her younger self did a good job of patching things up with her wife. She would've figured it out herself, but maybe it was supposed to happen that way. She needed to learn how to fight for her own happiness instead of being afraid to grasp it.

Brown eyes caught sight of her own. "I love you." The blonde told the brunette. "I made a wish a longtime ago for a family, and I got you."

"I love you too. Thank you for this amazing life you've given me."

The oldest daughter rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Stop being all gross so we can go open our presents." The brunette snorted and kissed her daughter's head.

"Come on, my greedy little monsters." Their daughters huffed but followed after their mother. The blonde knew they would follow her anywhere, herself included. She was what kept their family together. She was their lynchpin, glue, whatever you wanted to call it.

She grabbed her housecoat and slid into her slippers before following after her family. Her wife waited at the bottom of the stairs for her, and she can hear her children gasping in the family room.

"Wow, look at that big one. It has my name on it." The little one's voice was filled with childlike excitement.

"That one is for me." The other said. "There are so many."

Her eyes never left her wife. It's sometimes still hard to believe that this is all hers. She could've blown it so easily, but her wife has always been a huge believer in second chances.

She doesn't hesitate in the slightest as she descends the stairs and snatches her wife by the waist. Brown eyes widen, but there's a certain naughtiness hidden in those orbs. Her lips crash down on her wife's plump ones. It was like they were made for her own. She sucks her wife's bottom lip, and it elicits a gasp of pleasure from the brunette. Her tongue slid right in, and she forced herself to bite back a moan when her wife's tongue slides against her own.

They pull away breathless, but both of them are beaming and blushing. Her wife's hair was slightly mussed and not from sleeping. "You're beautiful." She doesn't miss the way the love of her life's cheeks flame a bright red.

She gently raised a arm to stroke the soft skin of her wife's cheek. "I wouldn't want to do this with anyone other than you. That New Year's kiss sealed what I already knew. I was deeply, irrevocably," she smirked at her wife. She knew what using dictionary words did to the woman. "In love with you. I hid my pain because I wanted you to be happy. I was more than pleased when you chose me." She lifted her wife's hands to her lips and kissed the backs. "Every day I am reminded of the gift I received when I wake up with you in my arms."

Before her wife could say anything in return, one of their little monsters decided to break up the moment. "Mommy, mama, hurry up, we want to open presents." The blonde shrugged her shoulders and the two women held hands as they joined their daughters.

The blonde's eyes shined brightly with unshed tears as she watched her children open up their Christmas presents. If it weren't for her unique experience, she would've given up her child.

Avery would be calling someone else mom. She wouldn't know who her birth mother was. She wouldn't be her daughter. It hit her hard every year on her daughter's birthday how close she came to giving up her child. It would've been the greatest mistake she ever made. She knew that it would be something she would forever regret.

Then there was Athena. Her littlest daughter would have never been born. While not biologically hers, Athena was her daughter. She went to all the ultrasound appointments. It was her voice that Athena seemed to kick the most at. She held her hand at her doctor's appointments, and stayed when her daughter was nervous about being at preschool all by herself. Rachel's pregnancy with her was the complete opposite of Quinn's with Avery's. They never had to deal with the possibility of not keeping their child or figuring out how to provide for the baby growing in her mother's womb.

She was worried when Rachel was pregnant that she might not be able to feel the same way about Athena as she did Avery. All those thoughts washed away as soon as she heard the heartbeat and then again when she held her baby for the first time. She couldn't believe how silly she was for even thinking that she wouldn't love Athena as much as she loved Avery. Her heart was divided into thirds, one for the three women in her life.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Her wife asked.

Quinn shook her head. "It's nothing. I just have to run and get the camera really quick. I left it charging in the office last night. I'll be back." She quickly pecked her wife's lips.

While she was going to get the camera, there was one thing she desperately needed to do.

 _December 25, 2021_

 _It's absolutely surreal. When I had the dream all those years ago, I was convinced it was just a dream. Even up until a few days ago, I was positive that what happened was a product of my pregnancy hormones._

 _I know differently now. There's a two day chunk missing in my memory. Unfortunately, I cannot recall most of what actually happened. It's just as well though._

 _Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that._

 _My experience with my future gave me the encourage to embrace my own truths. At the time, I wasn't sure I could. After having what I was sure was a hallucination taught me differently. Even if this particular future never came true, I realized that I didn't want to miserable because I was lying to myself._

 _While I can't explain what happened to me, at least I know I'm not crazy!_

 _-Q_

* * *

 **AN- At least she's not crazy**


	14. You're a Mean One, Mr Grinch

"You're not even my real mom." The teenager lashed out angrily. "You're only children are Athena and Teddy. You don't have the right to tell me what to do." Hazel eyes flashed furiously as she pulled her arm out of the brunette's grip.

She ran from the room, and missed the hurt look that crossed her mother's face. Never before had her daughter thrown in her face that they did not share any biological ties. A door slammed from upstairs.

Her knees shook and eventually she sunk to the floor in a hysterical heap. Since the day the girl was born, she was her mother. She cared for, bathed, fed, and most of all loved that girl. Maybe the distance had always been there, maybe she failed. The mother had never felt that sort of distance in her own relationship with her fathers. Her African-American father was obviously not her biological parent, but that had never stopped her from viewing him as a parental figure. He was and always would be her Daddy.

Two hours later she still had yet to move from her position on the floor. Her tears had dried upon her cheeks and her nose was runny. She stared unseeing at the wall before her. Her thoughts had ceased and for perhaps the second time in her entire life her mind was silent. It was difficult to process anything after those malicious words were spewed.

Avery was angry as of late, and often her ire was aimed directly at her mother. Rachel wondered what happened to the little girl that followed her around backstage and proclaimed to everyone how amazing her mom was.

"Mommy?" She heard. "There's something wrong with mama. She hasn't moved from the floor. I called her name lots of times, but she hasn't said anything." There were a few silences and some yes' and no's. "I'll see you when you get home mommy."

Rachel could only blink. Her mind fractured the moment her daughter told her she wasn't actually her mother. Nothing had ever hurt her worse than hearing those words yelled at her. Not all the jeering and teasing she experienced in high school were equivalent to her daughter's words spoken in the heat of the moment.

Some more time had passed and her ears caught the faint click of the front door. Yet, still she sat there. More tears had fallen, but she did nothing to wipe them away. They were evidence that this moment happened. The moment she dreaded from the day her daughter was born.

It never seemed like a problem before. Avery hadn't even been upset when they told her everything, or when they had another baby.

"Baby?" Her wife called out. Rachel wanted to say something, but her mouth failed her. For someone whose words came so easily to her, in this moment there were none to express what she felt. Quinn rushed to her wife's side. "Rach, sweetheart are you okay?

Melancholic brown eyes blinked owlishly at her. That was all she could do. "Come on honey, let me get you to the couch."

It was a bit of a struggle as Quinn had to do the heavy work. Rachel was useless. She had no control over any of her body functions. She wasn't sure if her legs worked or not. Quinn scooped her up into her arms with ease and carried her to the couch.

Soft padding of tiny feet reached their ears. Teddy and Athena appeared in the living room. Teddy was the youngest of the bunch. She was three years old. Teddy was short for Theodora. Her full name was Theodora Caroline Fabray. While her sister Athena heavily resembled Rachel, Teddy was a nice mixture of her biological father and her mother.

Her hair was several shades lighter than Athena's and Rachel's. Her complexion was lighter as well, and her eyes were grey. However just like Athena she had Rachel's nose. She inherited her flair for the dramatic. And was just as small as her older sister and mother. Quinn thought it must've been some genetic quirk. Both of Rachel's parents were taller than her, bur the brunette remained tiny compared to most people.

She was a welcomed addition to their family, and made them a complete family unit. There were some adjustments made after she was born as Athena did not enjoy no longer being the baby. She had regressed in the aftermath of the baby being born, but slowly over the first month she realized how great it was being an older sister. She was eight years old, and her little sister practically worshipped the ground she walked on.

Avery was a different story. She was an angst ridden teenager, and a complete pain in her mothers' backsides. She caused trouble at every turn with her younger siblings. There was a lot of in house fighting between the three girls. At fifteen years old, their daughter was no longer a little girl anymore. She was the source of much strife in their household.

"Hi mommy," Athena greeted with a hesitant smile. Her eyes were on her mama. Rachel had not reacted to anything in her surroundings, and it worried the young girl. "Is she okay?"

Quinn frowned thoughtfully before giving her daughter a false smile. She didn't want her to worry. "Mama is just fine. When was the last time you heard her talk?" Quinn had literally just gotten back into town earlier that morning. She had errands to run in the city before she could finally relax at home with her girls after two months of filming in New Zealand.

Athena tapped her chin as she thought back to earlier events of the day. "Mama picked us up from school early." Quinn narrowed her eyes in confusion. As far as she was aware, the girls did not have any appointments. "Avery got busted for skipping school. It was the second time this week. The school called mama when a teacher caught her walking out." The brunette was enjoying regaling her mother with her sister's misdeeds. "She picked her up from school, and then picked me up too. She didn't want to have to drive back out there again especially since she was going to be punishing Avery."

"Then her and Avery gave each other lots of angry looks in the car. And Avery kept talking under her breath and mama was getting really mad. Then when we got home, mama made Teddy and I go upstairs. There was a lot of yelling, and Avery said something about how mama wasn't really her mom." Her lip trembled slightly. "Does that mean you aren't actually my mom? Avery says you are only family if you come out of the same stomach or have the same dad." Her eyes were watery with unshed tears.

Quinn hated that her baby girl was thinking like this. She held the girl's hands in her own and knelt in front of her daughter so that they were eye to eye. She needed to be clear and direct with her words so that there would be no misunderstanding. "Pops and grandpa were mama's daddies. Grandpa is obviously the dad that is related biologically to her, but family isn't only people that share your DNA. Your Auntie Santana and Auntie Britt are my sisters, but we don't share a mommy or a daddy. Uncle Kurt is mama's brother. Like we always tell you and your sisters, love is what makes a family. Mama and I love you more than anything in the world. We would do anything for the three of you."

"While you did not grow under my heart, you grew in it. Do you understand?" Hazel eyes were bright and full of patience, and most of all love. Quinn didn't want there to be anything left unclear about the definition of family.

Athena nodded her head as her head swirled with thoughts of what family was. "Yes mommy, I love you." Quinn opened her arms for her girl and sighed in contentment when her baby wrapped her arms tightly around her neck. The blonde kissed her head and murmured that she loved her daughter.

"Now take Teddy," she tickled the toddler's belly. "And go upstairs. Mama and I will deal with your sister." She chuckled as her youngest fell into step behind her sister and mimicked the older girl's strut.

It sucked because Christmas was a few days away. She didn't want to deal with her daughter's bad behavior, but it obviously needed to be addressed. Clearly, the girl wasn't above hurting her mother. What was worse is that her words had a visceral effect on her wife. It was a worry of Rachel's that Avery would treat her like an outsider one day.

"Rach, I'm gong to talk to Avery. You just sit here and I'll be back. It wasn't true what she said either. You are her mother in all of the important ways. She's a teenager, and unfortunately they do not think before they react. They are guided by their hormones and angst." She pressed a kiss to her wife's head and still nothing. It only fueled her ire directed at her daughter.

Quinn wanted to scream at her daughter. None of her words had an effect on the fifteen year old. She refused to apologize for being right. "Now kindly get out of my room."

"You're grounded for a month. I want your phone, laptop, iPod, I'll be back for the TV, and this door will be coming off." Avery's mouth fell open. "I'm tired of the way you've treated your mother these last few months."

The younger blonde's scowl deepened. "She's not my real mother. She adopted me. She took me away from my father. If she wasn't in the picture, he would be here. He told me so."

Quinn wanted to strangle the child. But then her daughter's words hit her, and her face drained of color. "You've talked to your father? Since when?"

Avery's body shifted almost imperceptibly. Her eyes dropped to the floor, and her head lowered slightly. "It doesn't matter." She gritted through her teeth.

"Young lady, I think you are in enough trouble. Drop the attitude now. I'm sick of this behavior Avery. Now answer my question." Her eyebrow raised.

The teenager raised her head and stared her mother down defiantly. She wasn't going to answer anything. Quinn did not appreciate being trifled with. She grabbed her daughter's arm and dragged her over to her bed. She pulled back the blankets. "Get in." Avery had never heard that tone before and complied with her mother's orders. Fear had taken residence in her head.

"Since you want to act like a child, I will treat you like one. I want you to take a nap. You are not to leave your room for any reason unless the house is on fire. Don't get any ideas either." She warned. "I want you to think about how words can hurt especially the people you love. You may think they don't, but you can tell that to your mother who I found sitting on the family room floor with dried tears on her cheeks. She hasn't spoken a single word."

Avery had the decency to at least look contrite about what she said. She never meant for it to get as far as it did.

Quinn collected all of the girl's electronic items and paused at the door before leaving. "Next time you want to throw Noah in our faces, why don't you get your facts straight. Ask him how you came to be, and how he was going to let someone else continue to believe you were his daughter. Then think about the only other person who has been there since the day you were born. I've never been more disappointed in you." Her eyes turned solemn and she left her daughter with those parting words.

She locked her daughter's belongings away. Then she went to take care of her wife. She truly meant what she said to her daughter. Rachel was curled up in a ball, not saying anything. Sometimes when things became too much for her wife, she retreated to the recesses of her mind.

Most people didn't know that her wife battled with depression. Rachel started taking anti-depressants in seventh grade. She spent much of high school on them, and it gutted Quinn to think that she was responsible for much of how Rachel felt. She still regularly attended therapy just to have someone objective listen and talk her through things.

Her face softened and she took her wife into her arms. Big, gasping sobs sounded from her wife, and she tightened her arms around Rachel. She felt the tears on her shirt and she couldn't help but curse her daughter for her cruelty. If there was anything Rachel cared about more than Broadway it was her family.

"Shh… baby please don't cry. She's just trying to figure out who she is right now. She's like every other teenager that ever existed." She pressed tiny kisses to the crown of the brunette's head as she gently rocked her in her arms in her attempt to comfort.

Athena hated hearing her mama cry. It was all her stupid sister's fault too. She balled up her fists and entered her sister's room without permission. Normally she would ask, but today her sister crossed a line. Avery sat up quickly in her bed and scoffed at the sight of her younger sister. "You're a real jerk Avery. Mommy always said the one thing we weren't supposed to do was make mama cry." Before Avery knew it, her sister socked her in the face.

"You little runt," she screeched as she clutched her nose, whilst trying to make a grab for her sister. "I'm going to kill you."

Athena stuck out her tongue and ran quickly to hide from her sister's wrath.

Quinn promised her wife she would be back once she checked on their little monsters. The sight she found upstairs was a surprising one. Her daughter clutched her nose, which appeared to be broken. The blonde mother rubbed her face tiredly once she realized that this day was about to get even longer.

"Athena Charlotte Fabray, get in here right this instant." She knew well enough who the culprit was. Athena edged her way into the room with lowered eyes. Her face was one of innocence.

Quinn saw through her immediately. "Did you punch your sister?" She asked her eight year old.

The girl lifted her head defiantly. "Yes, I did." She answered proudly.

Quinn hid her smile at her daughter's words. "Why?" She already knew the answer.

"Because when you went away to make your movie, you told us to make sure mama was never sad. You said to make it easy on her. But Avery made her cry." Her daughters were quite protective of their mother. "She and mama were always fighting because Avery was bad. Mama said not to say anything to you when we talked on the phone. She said Avery was going through a phase." She shot a murderous glare at her sister.

Quinn snapped her fingers at the little girl. "Stop! None of that justifies you hitting your sister."

The girl crossed her arms angrily with a scowl. "I at least was doing something. You only put her in timeout. She deserves worse." She grumbled.

The mother knew that she would never get her daughter to see the error of her ways. Clearly a lot more had taken place in the house than she was aware of. "Go help Teddy put her shoes on and put yours on as well. Make sure you are bundled up. We have to go to the hospital to get your sister's nose checked out."

Athena pouted and stomped out of the room. She knew not to put up a fight because her mommy was already in a mood. That of course did not stop her from making a dramatic exit. She was her mama's daughter after all.

Quinn rolled her eyes and grabbed a tissue for her daughter's bloody nose. It wasn't the first time she dealt with a broken nose. At least she wouldn't have to worry about Avery wanting a nose job. "Here, hold this to your nose. Make sure you don't tilt your head too far back." She then grabbed her daughter around the shoulders and guided her down the stairs.

Rachel glanced warily at the two of them, but made no move to go over to their daughter. She stayed where she was. Quinn didn't blame her wife. She had no idea how she would feel if Athena or Teddy told her one day that she wasn't really their mother.

Athena and Teddy trampled down the stairs, both wrapped up in their winter attire. Teddy beamed jovially at her mommy. "Mommy?" She held her arms out for her mother to pick her up. Quinn complied and pretended to have a difficult time lifting her into her arms. Teddy giggled. "Silly mommy. I not big." Quinn blew a raspberry on her cheek.

"I know baby girl. Ready to go to the hospital?" At this, Rachel's eyes widened.

Teddy crinkled her little eyes. "Why go to da hospal?"

"Athena broke Avery's nose."

"Ave got a boo boo? I make it better with a kiss." She leaned over in Quinn's arms, and the mother had to hold her around the waist to keep her from falling over.

Athena crossed her arms and threw in an eye roll for added measure. "You two," the blonde snapped at her eldest children, "Go to the car. No fighting or you both will regret it. I will not hesitate to take back all of your Christmas presents." Both of them stormed out of the house. It honestly amazed Quinn how all three of her daughters seemed to inherit many of her wife's quirks.

"Rach? Honey?" Her wife turned her head with dull, lifeless eyes staring back at her. "I have to take Aves to the emergency room. Our little eight year old has an amazing right hook. It is probably broken. I'll keep you updated, okay?" She assumed it was a yes as her wife never verbally responded.

Her children were quiet the entire drive over. Even Teddy was more subdued than normal, sensing that no one was in the mood to have conversation. She stared out of the window.

Three hours later, they called Avery back for an x-ray. Quinn waited patiently with Athena and Teddy. Although, Teddy laid across a chair and a half with her head in her mother's lap. Her pigtails were everywhere. Athena read a book beside her.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Mama's birthday is in two days. Grandma was supposed to take us shopping a few days ago, but then she caught the flu. Nana won't be here in time. She was visiting Auntie Frannie. I don't want her to be sad on her birthday. Hanukkah isn't going that well. Avery always stays out so she's never home for the lighting. It makes mama sad."

 _Shit._ Quinn had forgotten that it was Hanukkah. It wasn't often that both her wife's birthday and the Jewish Festival of Lights coincided. Rachel was typically more jovial in the years that they did. Rachel usually only gave their children small gifts like gift cards or dreidels, sometimes kosher chocolate. It was never anything lavish as they saved that for Christmas.

"I'll take you guys tomorrow to buy something for her. I don't like to see her sad either." She squeezed her daughter's hand.

"Avery Fabray?" A nurse called out. Quinn gathered Teddy in her arms, and held tightly to Athena's hand as they walked over. "I'll take you to her." They followed her to a room where Avery sat on an examination table. Her nose was badly bruised, but the bleeding finally stopped. "The doctor will be back in a bit to talk to you."

The mother thanked her with a smile and took a seat in a chair. "I remember having to go with someone to the doctor once before because they had a broken nose as well." Athena and Avery's interests were piqued with that information.

"Who was it mommy?"

"It was mama. We were rehearsing for Nationals our junior year. Finn was never the best dancer, and he swung his arm back and hit mama right in the face, knocking her to the ground." Both of her daughters growled. "It turned out her nose was broken. She then considered getting a nose job. Some friends of ours managed to talk her out of it fortunately."

"Why wasn't he paying attention? Wasn't he that giant freak, Aunt Santana is always talking about?" Avery asked with a scowl.

Quinn hummed in reply. It still made her blood boil to think about that day. She had never wanted to pummel Finn's face more and break his nose. "Yes, I don't know why he didn't stand in the back. She looked awful for days until the bruising went away. He's lucky that it healed by prom. I wasn't going to have her refuse to go because of his stupidity. He wasn't a bad guy, just a bit careless." She did not like speaking ill of the deceased. It left a bitter taste on her tongue.

"Did she cry?" Avery asked, her curiosity overriding her anger at her parents.

Quinn's lips thinned considerably. "Yes, several tears were shed. She wouldn't stop crying the entire car ride. It was actually rather funny how dramatic she was being about the entire situation. It reminds me of how the three of you act."

Both Avery and Athena clutched their hands to their chests and looked very much offended by their mother's words. "I have never been dramatic in my entire life."

"I don't know what you are talking about." They told her, and the blonde shook her head and let her daughters keep on believing that they didn't know what she was referring to. She lived in a house full of drama queens. They could be more melodramatic than Kurt in regards to fashion.

The doctor came in and showed them the x-ray. "It's a clean break. Luckily, she won't need any medical intervention. I recommend icing it to keep the swelling down. I'll write her a prescription for some pain meds. It will be tender for a couple of days. The bruising will also go away after a week or so. If you have any difficulty breathing or there's any discharge from your nose, please return." He gave them a prescription.

Within fifteen minutes they were leaving the hospital. Quinn adjusted Teddy a few times as the family made their way to Rachel's SUV. Quinn was gone for longer periods of the year, and rarely had the chance to drive her entire family around. Rachel was more in tune with their schedules, and was almost always home unless she had to go on location for a film. Normally that only happened during the summer, in which case the kids went with her.

They waited impatiently at the pharmacy. There were several groans and complaints issued by her daughters. Teddy sleepily clung to her mother's leg, and whined every time her mother refused to pick her up. Quinn knew the girl wouldn't go to sleep if she allowed her to nap any longer.

It was a little after nine when they finally made their way through the front door. Rachel was nowhere in sight, and Quinn suspected her wife had crawled into bed with the covers thrown over her head. It was something she always did when she wanted to avoid confrontation. There were certainly enough times throughout their relationship where it drove Quinn nuts.

She picked up McDonald's for the girls and made each of her daughters promise not to tell their mother. Rachel hated the fast food industry. She claimed that they lacked morals and that they were created through corporate greed. She said there was a reason why America was one of the most obese countries in the world. The blonde rolled her eyes, but appeased her wife by pretending to agree with her. She didn't because she still loved French fries and a Quarter Pounder with cheese from McDonald's. It was her guilty pleasure.

"All of you get ready for bed. I don't want to hear any protests. It's been a long day, and tomorrow we have things to do."

Quinn wanted her wife's birthday to be special. Last year, they didn't have an opportunity to celebrate because all three of their children contracted the flu, which they then passed onto Rachel. She spent her entire birthday laid up in bed with a stuffy nose and a fever of over a hundred degrees.

She didn't want her wife's birthday to be as miserable as her last one. While she knew the chances of Avery and Rachel reconciling before then were unlikely, she kept her fingers crossed. It was up to her daughter to apologize to her mother for the hurtful and spiteful things she had said. No one could force the girl to do anything.

The blonde learned over the years that it was better not to tell children not to do something. Children like anyone disliked being backed into a corner, and they almost always did the opposite of what they were supposed to. It was human nature.

 _~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~_

A week had passed in the Fabray household, and tensions were still high. Every member treaded carefully. Avery and Athena barely exchanged more than five words, while Rachel was silent to everyone.

She moped around the house, or she went out with Kurt. The man took it upon himself to help her find the Christmas spirit again. She was the most excitable person in their family, and if she wasn't feeling it then no one in the family of five was.

Avery stayed in her room. Athena spent a lot of time visiting with her friends doing whatever it was eight year olds did. Quinn wasn't quite sure with these kids of the 2020s. They were a lot different compared to her generation. _God, when did I start sounding like my mother?_ Theodora was the one who had looked forward to Christmas since the end of October, and she was more sedate than usual. It was like the family knew they were missing an integral piece, Rachel.

Her birthday passed, and while Quinn had fun, she was sure her wife didn't. Rachel excused herself early on during the party claiming to have a migraine. The blonde wasn't sure if it was true or not, but the birthday party failed. She apologized profusely to all of their friends that turned up to celebrate Rachel's 31st birthday.

None of them asked what the problem was. She was thankful for that. She didn't feel the need to provide them an explanation into her family's private affairs. It was bad enough without admitting it out loud. Never before had she experienced such an icy holiday season unless the time with Puck's family counted. His mother certainly despised her enough.

Her wife was out yet again with Kurt. She seriously wondered what the two of them were doing. Rachel was currently on vacation from her show, and her understudy was given the opportunity to step into some very big shoes.

 _~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~_

"I don't know Kurt." She sighed for what seemed the millionth time that day.

Kurt was frustrated with her indecisiveness. "Come on Rachel, we've literally gone out every single day over the last week. Make up your mind already." The brunette ignored him as she considered her options once more. "I think we all know Avery didn't mean what she said. She's a teenager for god's sake. They don't know how to think before opening their mouths." While she knew he made a decent point, she couldn't help but feel hurt at her daughter's malicious words. "I'm sure you said some things to your fathers when you were her age that you didn't mean." He shot her a look.

She flushed hotly because of course she had. She had said plenty to them mostly in regards to them ruining her life especially during her childhood. Every time she was teased or bullied by the other kids, she would arrive home crying and immediately shift blame to her fathers for being gay. It wasn't that she was homophobic. She was just hyperaware of the fact that if she didn't have two dads, the kids wouldn't have verbally attacked her as often.

All she ever desired was to fit in, but in a small town like Lima, there was no room for diversity. It simply didn't exist.

"Well… yeah," she finally admitted with a slight shrug. "But I never told daddy he wasn't my dad. Even after the whole thing with my mom, I never once considered the notion that my father wasn't my father. It was his idea to start a family. He picked the name Rachel. He was involved in every aspect of my life since my dad's career was a bit more demanding. I never felt the need to distinguish between my biological and adopted parents." She tried to make it sound as coherent as possible.

Kurt pursed his lips thoughtfully. "I suppose I understand both sides. Carol is obviously not my real mother, but she's the only one I have left. At first I didn't want to let her in because I thought that it would tarnish the memory of my actual mother." He brushed away a stray tear. "Carol was kind and she never pushed. She let me come to her, and she listened to me go on several fashion rants. She never once judged me for being gay. I guess Avery is questioning who she is. Is she your daughter or is she Puck's?" They both frowned at the though. "I mean how did she react the first time she met him?"

 _2021_

 _Quinn and Rachel were full of consternation for the inevitable meeting between their daughter and her biological father. They refrained from calling him a sperm donor around their daughter. Rachel's leg continued to bounce anxiously as they waited patiently for Noah to arrive. Sitting between the two mothers was Avery. They agreed to allow the girl to attend as the subject was about her, and they didn't want to keep anymore secrets. They wanted to be open and honest with their children._

 _Quinn was unable to fall asleep the night before. Her brain refused to shut off. This meeting would certainly affect their dealings with Puck going forth in the future. She spent the entire night thinking over what points she wanted to address with him. Her stomach shifted uneasily as she noticed him enter the coffee shop._

 _Her hand shot out to Rachel's. Their fingers automatically laced with one another's over their daughter's lap. Avery set hers upon her mothers in a display of unity amongst the Fabray women._

 _Puck took a seat across from the family and grimaced at the display of unity between them. His eyes lingered on his daughter. She was beautiful._

 _Avery's wild curls were tamed into a single French braid with a green ribbon tied at the end. She wore a dark green sweater and black jeans with green ankle boots. He had tried picturing her over the years, but he couldn't conjure up anything besides her baby photo. He had no idea who she would take after as she grew up. It seemed that much of her was comprised of Quinn._

" _Hi Avery." He greeted her._

 _The girl glanced between her mothers who nodded their heads in encouragement. Puck's stomach clenched. "Hello Mr. Puckerman," she greeted her biological father formally._

" _You can call me dad if you would like."_

 _Her nose scrunched up distastefully. The act reminded him of Quinn. "I'm sorry sir, but that's a bit too comfortable and familiar for me." However, when she spoke she sounded exactly like Rachel._

" _Puck, I have things I want to discuss with you." Quinn began. His palms were sweating because he didn't think this was going to go the way he wanted. All he ever desired was the woman in front him, but she rejected him time and time again. She never felt that way about him, and she told him she regretted giving him her virginity. That one hurt his heart. "First of all, I will allow you to have a correspondence with Avery. But you may only contact her on her birthday and during holidays. We've discussed this as a family unit. It could be too confusing for you to be present in her life otherwise."_

" _Mr. Puckerman, while I appreciate you wanting to be in my life, I have two amazing parents. I agree with my moms that it would be too confusing for you to come in now. You are a stranger to me." Her eyes were serious._

 _He turned his head and wiped his eyes. He didn't want them to see him crying. His own kid wanted nothing to do with him. "Did you brainwash her?" He remarked, his hazel eyes flashing angrily._

 _All of them gasped at the accusation. "No Puck, we didn't. She's almost twelve years old. She's old enough to decide what she wanted. We talked about this as a family last night. She will accept phone calls from you only on those days because she doesn't want you to be sad. That being said, she doesn't want you to get the wrong impression and think that she wants you as her dad."_

" _I'm not a baby." Rachel squeezed her leg. "I never wanted or needed a dad. My moms provided lots of love, and I have uncles and my grandpa as male role models in my life. I understand that it hurts you, but you're hurting me." She begged him to understand. "You undermined my mama's role as my parent. You willingly signed away your rights to me, and it isn't fair of you to come back now and want to be my dad."_

 _Puck hated that she was right. From all that he could see, she had a better life. It was one he would've been unable to ever provide for her. She went to a great school, and she was raised in the Jewish faith. She had two parents and a younger sister. She didn't have to grow up like he did. He sighed as his hand rubbed his face tiredly as he considered their words._

" _Noah," Rachel hated seeing him like that. They were once good friends until middle and high school separated them into the haves and the have nots. "I know it hurts for her to say that you, but think about how it must feel for you to say that I'm not her parent. Biology, a family does not make. I've loved her, her entire life." She kissed the girl's head. Avery melted into her mother's body, and for the first time he saw it._

 _The sight physically caused him pain. It felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. He didn't know what to say, and they sat there for some time before anyone spoke again._

"It was different then." Rachel sighed and folded her arms tightly. "She was a still a kid, and while she did understand the situation, it was still different. She's a teenager and that comes with new territory." It was killing her on the inside to be away from her family, but she needed time to decompress. She wasn't angry or as hurt anymore.

She felt hollow. It was strange to feel empty for someone who was usually a vibrant spirit. "I can sense that she wants to apologize, but then she cowers back into herself. She's terrified that I won't forgive her, but this is one of those times where I can't interfere."

Kurt gave her a surprised look. "What?" She asked defensively.

"It's just the idea of you not intervening at all is… astonishing. You don't know how not to do that." She had no retort because he was right, and she knew his exhibit A would be their days back in the Glee club.

"Whatever," she grumbled. It was then that she saw it. It was a sterling silver pendant engraved with the words "I may not have given you life. But God has given me you." There was an angel wings charm attached. It was the perfect gift to give her daughter. It was what her words had failed to say the week before.

"Isn't she already getting a pendant from Athena?" He quirked a brow.

Rachel rolled her eyes at him. "Yes, but that one is rose gold and is for sisters. She can switch which ones she wants to wear." She knew that as Teddy grew older she would feel excluded from her sisters. Unfortunately, Athena and Avery had a stronger bond because for five years it was just the two of them. They loved their little sister more than anything, but their relationship with her was different.

"Sometimes Rachel Berry, you surprise me."

She poked her tongue out. "It's Fabray. Berry is only my stage name." She sniffed pretentiously and the two friends dissolved into giggles like old times. "I wish we could hang out more often." She leaned her head down on his shoulder as they strolled down Fifth. Sometimes it surprised her how normal all of this was. The idea of Fifth Avenue was nothing but a dream fifteen years ago, and here she was actually able to afford the shops lined down the street. It was surreal.

"Life is quite busy. I miss sharing an apartment and throwing our annual Halloween party and then one at New Years." They both sighed reminiscently. While they wouldn't change their lives, they did miss the days where it was the two of them and things weren't so hectic. "Now I live with three other girls." She made a silly face at him.

"Oh dear me, why would you leave your wonderful, sensible, non-dramatic roommate to live with three other girls and all of the drama that encompasses."

She bit back a smile and slapped his chest playfully. "Stop." She laughed. "It was a lot easier when I just had a five year old. Now I've got a teenager, an eight year old, and a toddler. I'm only thirty-one." She jutted out her bottom lip pathetically.

"You'll survive Rach. Avery will come around. Miracles have been known to happen this time of year." She rolled her eyes at him as they continued their shopping. Neither of them purchased anything else, but it was nice spending time with her best friend.

 _~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~JaSW~~~~~_

Kurt was right.

Christmas day saw the return of her sweet and loving daughter. Avery slowly baby stepped her over to her mama before plopping her self down in Rachel's lap. Hesitantly the mother's arms wrapped around her daughter's waist.

"I love you mama. I didn't mean it." Rachel pressed a kiss to her daughter's hair. "Thank you for the necklace." She held it in her fingers reverently. "God gave me you too." Both were aware that serious talks were required in the near future, but it was the holidays and it could wait.

Quinn snapped a photo of her wife and firstborn. Maybe some wishes weren't so silly after all.


End file.
